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Shower Sex and Cows
Ah, the dorm shower. Yes, for some it is simply the place where you scrub-a-dub-dub, pick your butt, wash your face, and repeat. But, for others, the dorm shower stall is a magical place – a place where dreams can come true”¦and come true they will.
1. The Hand Game
This is the only place where you can have some time for yourself. The days where you have a room to yourself are long gone. Now, whenever you try masturbating in your room, you are met with the creepy eyed roommate who busts in the room in the most inopportune time.
What to do:
Jump in the shower, close the curtain, lather on some soap (not too much, it stings (i don’t know that from experience)) and begin the races! When you’re finished, be courteous and direct the shower head to any spots that might have gotten dirty.
Caution: if anyone walks in while you’re moaning, pull out your cellphone, and pretend you are moaning about all your homework”¦loser
2. Slippery Getaway
So, maybe you’re completely wasted drunk in your dorm room and wanted to try something kinky. Oh, and the hottie in the room just downed a whole bottle of Barcardi Razz.
What to do:
Check to make sure the coast is clear. Run down the hall with your “new friend” and duck into the bathroom. Throw your clothes in the face of whoever is in there, and yell IM FUCKING! GET OUT! Hop in the shower, make out, do the doggie-dance, throw up, pop a viagra, and continue. Make sure you use a rubber”¦ducky.
Caution: Theres always a fucking fire drill at Sadler Hall. So, tell your significant other to stay put while this bitch burns down. Blame it on Eminem.
3. The Cow
You haven’t showered in weeks. People on your floor are beginning to either suspect that you have started a farm in your room, or that you actually are turning into a pile of shit.
What to do:
Take a fucking shower.
Caution: you will still never have friends.