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The Story of Syllabus Week
Syllabus Week, known as the “Festival of Natty Lights” to many, will soon be upon us once more. Though widely celebrate by most college students, there are many who have forgotten the true meaning of the weeklong celebration. To remind us why we celebrate Syllabus Week, we have decided to retell the story of how... MORE »
MU Basketball Players Actually Monstars
Columbia, Missouri- Scandal and college sports, it would seem, go hand in hand. During a routine pre-season blood test, the blood work of five members of the MU men’s basketball team came back clear of all substances. As if this fact wasn’t shocking enough on its own, it was uncovered that the five, all freshmen... MORE »
Top Ten Looks For Winter: They’re All Leggings and Boots
1.) Leggings with boots- A quick, comfy way to bundle up for winter is to find a pair of basic leggings and throw on a pair of your cutest boots. This look is so popular right now you won’t be able to turn the corner without finding someone who looks just as cute as you... MORE »
Romney Retaliates: GOP candidate buys Canada, leads supporters to the Promise Land
After losing Tuesday night’s presidential election, GOP candidate Willard “Mitt” Romney bought the pseudo-nation of Canada, renaming it “Romnasia” and calling upon his followers- the “good Republican people of America” to leave their homes and start a new life in the land known by many as “America’s backwoods.” “I’ve never seen him so angry before,... MORE »
Windows Media Player wins Florida’s Electoral Votes
The voting machine issues that once again plagued The Sunshine State this election seemed to have been resolved with the decision to award Florida’s 29 electoral votes to Windows Media Player. The default software won nearly 80% of the votes cast after Dieitalics Voting Systems employees accidentally left the “open at start-up box” checked-in. Many... MORE »
Plaza 900 Grille to become slaughterhouse
The popular University of Missouri dining hall Plaza 900 will turn its Grille station into a legitimate slaughterhouse. Mizzou Dining Hall Director Jared Harris said that the new slaughterhouse came as inspiration from his experience from eating and working at the Plaza 900 Grille. “I’ve been working at Plaza for quite some time, and the... MORE »
Jones Hall Brothel Busted
Four individuals were arrested late Tuesday evening in conjunction with the bust of a brothel run out of Jones Residence Hall. The four, all Resident Assistants, were arrested and taken into custody after an undercover operation successfully infiltrated the establishment and discovered the Jones Hall Brothel, an operation feautring blocs of rooms on every floor... MORE »
North Korea reunites with South Korea after watching “Gangnam Style” YouTube video
Although it seems too good to be true, North Korea and South Korea have decided to reunite with each other after North Korean leader Kim Jong-Un finally watched the popular “Gangnam Style” music video by South Korean rapper Psy. Jong-Un met with South Korean Prime Minister Kim Hwang-Sik yesterday to sign a pact that would... MORE »
Dorm Homecoming Barbecue Defies Odds, Is Rousing Success
Year after year, the students and faculty at The University of Missouri expect the Greek community to dominate Homecoming festivities. This tradition was finally put to rest in the wake of a totally sick dorm Homecoming barbecue at Defoe-Graham Residence Hall. Defoe-Graham’s residents, and those from surrounding dorms, were polled prior to the event, and... MORE »
Sorority Girl Stunned After Not Being Nominated for Academy Award For Homecoming Skit
A University of Missouri student and member of the Delta Kappa Rho sorority was shocked yesterday when she was not nominated for an Academy Award. Julie Anne Drew starred in “Sonata de Truman,” the 1790s-themed production of Delta Kappa Rho, Alpha Sigma Sigma, and Rho Rho Rho. Drew procrastinated her hospitality management homework... MORE »