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February 5, 2013

MU Brony Club and Collegiate Horsemen’s Associates engage in barn clearing brawl

Sparks flew last Tuesday between Mizzou’s respected Collegiate Horsemen’s association and the newly instated Brony club. It started as an argument over Pinky Pie and her relevance to horse grooming culture and standards, but quickly escalated into an all out brawl in the horse stables behind Hatch Hall. There were no fatalities, though several horse... MORE »

January 29, 2013

Mizzou’s Twerk Team Turns Heads, Werks Dat Booty

Mizzou’s best-kept secret, its Twerk Team, has gained a substantial amount of notoriety this week after a record seventh place finish at the Middle America Collegiate Twerking Classic. Competing against fourteen teams from neighboring states, the Tiger twerkers proved not just to Missouri, but Illinois, Arkansas and other less relevant nearby states (Kansas) that there... MORE »

January 8, 2013

Cool College Guy Claims He’s Really Into Sports And Having Sex With Women

Last Thursday night Freshman Doyle Matheson admitted in conversation with a member of the opposite sex that he was “really into sports.” “Ladies love guys that are really into sports,” said Matheson, “which explains why I get it in on the regs.” As evidence of his love of sports, Matheson receives ESPN updates to his... MORE »

November 16, 2012

Top Ten Looks For Winter: They’re All Leggings and Boots

1.)  Leggings with boots- A quick, comfy way to bundle up for winter is to find a pair of basic leggings and throw on a pair of your cutest boots. This look is so popular right now you won’t be able to turn the corner without finding someone who looks just as cute as you... MORE »

October 23, 2012

Pizza Party Convinces All MU Students To Stop Drinking

Last Friday, in honor of alcohol responsibility month the Wellness Resource Center held a pizza party where they served up slices, soda and a slew of awesome facts about the dangers of alcohol. This event has been hailed the most successful event of all time, managing to convince every MU student, regardless of age, to... MORE »

October 11, 2012

Chess Team Offers Free Blow Jobs To Vanderbilt Fans In The Name Of Sportsmanship

In the spirit of the somewhat overbearing sportsmanship that Mizzou fans dish out every game day, MU’s nationally ranked chess team decided they would show their appreciation to the Vanderbilt fans that drove 433 miles by offering free blow jobs to anyone showing some Commodore pride. “We were at the Golden Corral to celebrate our... MORE »

September 29, 2012

Tests Show Nobody Can Read or Spell

A recent exam in Psychology 1000 proved not only do Professor Richard Stevenson’s students have absolutely no grasp on general psychology, but they are also unable to read and spell even the simplest of words. This only came as some what of a shock to Stevenson and his Teaching Assistants, as they cannot read or... MORE »

September 13, 2012

9 Out Of 10 Cleaning Crew Members Report Complete Job Satisfaction

A recent survey done by the National Allegiance for People that Clean Other People’s Shit Up (NAPCOPSU) reports that 9 out of every 10 members of The University of Missouri’s residence hall cleaning crew absolutely love their job. Not that this came as a shock to the thousands of student that they serve. “Every morning... MORE »