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In case this is literally the first thing you’ve seen in the past 24-ish hours, let me deliver the news to you: President Barack Obama is still President Barack Obama and it’ll be another four years until we call him former President Barack Obama. Michelle is still around (yay!), we’ll see Malia hit the big... MORE »
Election Day: Local dimwit John Thurpwood was guilt-tripped by his Facebook friends into visiting his designated polling place and voting in the US presidential election today, despite not knowing anything about the candidates or their positions on various political issues. “I wasn’t really going to vote since I’m not into politics and I didn’t watch... MORE »
The popular University of Missouri dining hall Plaza 900 will turn its Grille station into a legitimate slaughterhouse. Mizzou Dining Hall Director Jared Harris said that the new slaughterhouse came as inspiration from his experience from eating and working at the Plaza 900 Grille. “I’ve been working at Plaza for quite some time, and the... MORE »
US presidential candidates Barack Obama and Mitt Romney have mutually decided to cancel the final televised debate tonight, citing the fact that no matter how much they argue back and forth, there’s really nothing they can say at this point that will change each other’s or viewers’ minds and they should probably just go ahead... MORE »
Only a few days after the second Presidential debate between President Barack Obama and Governor Mitt Romney, the third debate was cancelled and will be replaced with the first ever Presidential Cage Fight. The United States Debate Organizer Squad (USDOS) conceived the idea after watching Romney and Obama exchange trash talk during the previous debate,... MORE »
Besides the stars and stripes trend in fashion, the Cards making it to October, and our God-given right to buy 64 oz. cups of soda, there is another reason to love AMURRICA. Guilt forces us into a high school gymnasium, patrolled by the local Council on Aging, to check off a box on a sheet... MORE »
Heeee’s Baraaacck! That’s right ladies and gentleman, President Barack Obama has made yet another trip down to the U—his 3rd visit in only 8 months…Coincidence? I THINK NOT! The Miami basement staff is determined to leave no ROCK unturned and to expose our President’s secret motives. 1. Love child with Donna Shalala You heard it... MORE »
In a shocking revelation, former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney suggested that President Obama has purged God from his heart, citing Obama’s last minute request to reinsert ‘God’ into the platform at the DNC convention after it had been removed. Progressive blogger and Unitarian Pastor Kimberly Blume-Jackson rebutted, “How dare Romney or anyone else say the... MORE »