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Jones Hall Brothel Busted
Four individuals were arrested late Tuesday evening in conjunction with the bust of a brothel run out of Jones Residence Hall. The four, all Resident Assistants, were arrested and taken into custody after an undercover operation successfully infiltrated the establishment and discovered the Jones Hall Brothel, an operation feautring blocs of rooms on every floor... MORE »
How To Spend Your Leap Day 2012
Unbeknownst to people, unbeknownst is a real word. But also unbeknownst to most people is the fact that Leap Day is a major world holiday. I learned this while watching NBC’s highly acclaimed police drama “30 Rock”. The episode, entitled “Leap Day”, taught me that nothing you do matters on this day, which comes around... MORE »
The Piggyback Bandit Is Coming to Town
If you haven’t heard by now, a man named Sherwin Shayegan has made quite the reputation for himself in the world of high school sports. Standing at 5-foot-8, 240-pounds, The Washington State native attends High School sporting events, often dressed in the proper athletic uniform, with a single goal in mind. “He helped lay out... MORE »
Breaking News: Guys and Girls CAN Be Just Friends
The great question of “can guys and girls be just friends?’ is often answered with roaring controversy. Most women say sure, of course they can. Most men say hell mother fucking no, they cannot. Unbalanced emotion, confusion, desperation, horniness, and drunkenness often complicate the issue. As we learned in Sex Ed, guys and girls have... MORE »
A Letter of Apology From All of Me
Dearest Campus Basement Readers, I’m not sleeping with them. Oh no. I’m just saying, “Dearest’ is a little much. Hey there Campus Basement fans, They aren’t idiots. You, however, can’t even punctuate properly. Hey there, CB Fans, I regret to inform you — What are you, a rejection letter? No, what I am is frustrated,... MORE »
Ramapo Basement Instantly More Popular Than “Daily Digest”
If you’re a student at Ramapo College, you’ve at least heard of the infamous Daily Digest, a daily newsletter sent out to the entire student body via email. Popping up around 3:00am, the overloaded, unimportant press is better known for being instantly deleted than actually read. Ramapo Basement has made it their goal to become... MORE »
An Urgent Plea for You to Read
Dear Reader, I don’t think you understand how important it is that you’re reading this article. For at this very moment, you are in fact saving lives. Whose lives? Our lives. The lives of us trapped down here in this basement forced to write articles for your amusement. Are you confused? Let me... MORE »