Hey Nelly, she exists and her tears are real.

Video by apost

March 1, 2011 at 3:17 pm

Clearly if Jackie Hollywood could tell the future she would have gotten her shit togther, because bitch is a hot gangster mess, and applied to Cornell. I would have assumed she would since Cornell is Nelly’s real name and she seems similiarities in the most insignificant shit ever. Girl is crazy end of story, but hey it’s entertaining. Hopefully this will get you pumped for Nelly in 2 months. Maybe rewatch it the day before, get yourself real amped…or just really creeped out.

◄ Bitchin music special – Aer’s music video to their new song The Reach

Where is the other team?? SU Basketball ►

September 3, 2012

Avicii to Appear at Pixel After Cornell Concert

On Saturday, September 22nd, Avicii will be performing at Barton Hall in honor of homecoming weekend. Cornellians are extremely excited for his performance that night, which was made evident when tickets to the event sold out in a record 35 minutes. Many were upset that they weren’t able to get tickets, but now, they will... MORE »

September 1, 2012

Cornellians on the Harvard Cheating Scandal: “Why can’t our school be that easy?”

Recent news reports that about half of the Harvard Class of 2012 is under investigation and at risk for losing their diplomas for illicit collaboration on a TAKE-HOME final exam (seriously) has left Cornell students scratching their heads. “The New York Times article says that ‘students were tripped up by a course whose tests were... MORE »

August 28, 2012

So… Anyone Have Any Extras?

August 24, 2012

CU Student Looking for Missing Girlfriend

People go missing all the time, but it is a rarity at Cornell for someone to go missing. Unfortunately, some student cannot find his girlfriend in Uris Library. On Friday morning, dozens of signs appeared all over the library with a picture of a blonde girl and a phone. The phone number is a Georgia... MORE »

July 30, 2012

Cornell to Buy Joe Paterno Statue for $10 Million

With all the drama that just occurred, Penn State was fined $60 million dollars by the NCAA, with all proceeds going to charities benefitting abused children. To pay for this fine without affecting tuition costs for current students, Penn State held a silent auction for the legendary Joe Paterno statue on Monday. The winning bid... MORE »

July 29, 2012

Cornell’s 5 New Rules for 2012-2013

As things happen and time flies, Cornell adjusts its’ rules every year to make sure that students study in a happy, stress-free environment. This year is no different, as Cornell has placed five new rules in effect for the coming school year. Here is a breakdown of all five: – No sunglasses inside classrooms... MORE »

July 18, 2012

Tupac Hologram? No, But Cornell Gets Churchill

Earlier in 2012, Coachella debuted the Tupac hologram, which was the first of its’ kind. Tupac was seen rapping on stage, but it was all done through lights and computers. It’s a concept that many people want to make popular due to the possible educational benefits brought to the table. Cornell, nonetheless, has invested in... MORE »

July 16, 2012

Study Shows C.U. Has Most ‘Paper Gangsters’ in U.S.

Somewhere in between the wigs, hats, and jockstraps in the back of her closet, Lady Gaga once coined the term ‘paper gangster’. A paper gangster is defined by Urban Dictionary as a bulls*** fake wanna-be who tries to be ghetto, thinks he/she is from the streets, and is a punk-ass mother****** who should be listening... MORE »

July 12, 2012

Foote to Be Honored by Cornell

In 2010, Cornell basketball had an amazing season and went all the way to the Sweet 16. A large (extremely large) part of that run was then-senior, NBA D-League All-Star and current member of the New Jersey Nets summer league team, Jeff Foote. Foote was the big center that every team craves. He rebounded, blocked,... MORE »

July 8, 2012

Lock Your Doors: Mice on Loose as Lab Window is Broken

Over the years, Cornell University has done a lot of research on mice and how they are affected by certain factors. Thousands and thousands of mice are kept by many labs on campus, but in a special area where they will never escape. The word never is very strong, but not always accurate, as 2,500... MORE »

April 23, 2012

No Spring Maintenance….

After last Friday’s 85-degree weather, it appears that Cornell University has used all of its spring maintenance funding on keeping the Lake Effects snow out of the forecast, not accounting for the shocking, yet annual, mid-April snow and sleet storm. While on a campus tour this morning, a pre-frosh was overheard stating “well, it can... MORE »

April 18, 2012

When Cornell Basement staff react….

April 10, 2012

Hunger Games At Cornell: Which College Will Win?

Ezra Cornell was actually a pretty twisted President. When he founded Cornell he also said that at the 147th (arbitrary number chosen similar practice done by the Mayans for their calendars) Commencement, rather than have the standard “all rise and all sit, congratulations you’ve graduated” at the ceremony, all 4 state colleges will have a... MORE »

April 9, 2012

Cornell University Hides Oprah

What some people thought was an April Fools joke at Cornell University was actually reality! Oprah was at Cornell. But, how did nobody know about her arrival, her stay or her departure? If anyone could pull off a magic trick like this it is David Blaine. Yes, Cornellians that is right. Cornell Administrators paid David... MORE »

April 2, 2012

Mayor Bloomberg Professes Love to Cornell in Song and Dance:

Go to time 2:10 MORE »

April 1, 2012

Yogurt Crazy Bases Hours on New Cornell Study

A new business study from the Dyson School at Cornell shows that undergraduates only eat frozen yogurt at two points: when they are drunk or when the sun has completely set. When the Daily Sun article came out, students were confused as to whether or not this article was meant to be written for the... MORE »

March 29, 2012

Who Do You Want for Slope Day: A Cornell Basement Interactive Poll

March 19, 2012

Breaking News: Lefties Protest Outside Olin

Yesterday, outside Olin Library, Lefties came together to protest against the abundance of righty desks and lack of lefty desks around Cornell’s Campus. With so many famous, successful, lefties, it is disturbing to these students that they are underrepresented. “We used to be persecuted against. There’s a long history of discrimination against our people. My... MORE »

March 17, 2012

Study Buddy: A Cornell Basement Syndicated Column

Dear guy sitting behind me in Mann who keeps making sighing noises, I REFUSE to turn around and acknowledge you. I don’t care, I won’t turn around and look at you. Others might, but not me. Your sighs are getting louder and closer together like you’re having contractions. I WON’T look back. Eyes on my... MORE »

February 25, 2012

RUMORS: Ithaca Mayor dating a Kardashian?

Oh and don’t worry it’s not Khloe…she and Lamar are like a rock. Sturdy and round. Some people have been trying to throw viewers off course by saying that Kim Kardashian is dating Jeremy Lin of the New York Knicks. But we all know she is trying to steer clear of athletes and singers due... MORE »

February 19, 2012

How to Have a Successful Chilifest: Ithaca 2012

Ithaca has gorges, wineries, Cornell, Applefest and Chilifest. That’s about it. There is nothing else going for this city so it is important to know how to make the best of what you have. 1. Never pay for chili: you might be asking….how can I enjoy such a glorious day without paying for any chili? ah... MORE »

February 15, 2012

Top 5 Worst Gifts Received on Valentine’s Day: Cornell Style

1. A Photo Framed of Yourself: you know that you’re in a terrible relationship when you boyfriend gives you a framed picture of himself for Valentine’s Day. Yes, GQ rated us the doucheiest school in the country, but your boyfriend takes the cake. His graduation photo with the cap and gown…what are you his Aunt?... MORE »

February 7, 2012

Shit Cornellians at Cornell Say

Agreed upon by some disagreed upon by few….these are the shits that we say up in here. MORE »

February 6, 2012

BREAKING NEWS: Cornell Working to Hire Victor Cruz as Salsa 101 Instructor

Everyone at Cornell (except transfers…how come they get away with this?) has to take two gym classes and a swim test before they are able to graduate. For some reason it is important that we have both academic knowledge and have 6 credits worth of some physical activity knowledge. We are a well rounded university!... MORE »

February 1, 2012

Incidences of Hypothermia Increase Due to Lack of Alcohol During Pledging

Even though, in recent weeks, the weather in Ithaca has been unseasonably warm, because of lack of alcohol during pledging students have found themselves feeling like a foreigner….cold as ice (to any 80s music fans out there). “I used to wear a liquor jacket out ever night. Now I’m freezing outside because I can actually... MORE »

January 30, 2012

We Don’t Eat Meat….Or Products of Anything With Feelings

Ah yes, another “you know you go to Cornell when” photo. This is more than that though. This is a warning sign. If you see this car be cautious, the people on board are angry because they are most likely hungry. Additionally they are probably mad at you because you support hydrofracking even though you... MORE »

January 25, 2012

The Giants v. The 49ers: From a Guy Who Doesn’t Know About Sports

So you’re probably thinking, why don’t I know anything about sports? I am a guy and I want to join a frat. Not the typical stereotype now, am I? Yeah, breaking barriers! Anyway, I played sports when I was a kid. Standard, Little League and soccer where everyone runs around chasing the ball and there... MORE »

January 13, 2012

You’ve Done it Again. RIP Palms O’Clock.

Dear Cornell, Thank you. Sincerely, Graduating seniors and recent alums Yes, we thank you for all the hard work you have put in, to make us want to leave your campus, and be okay with the fact that our jobs are so competitive and demanding that we are unable to make the trip to come... MORE »

December 21, 2011

Drunk Letters To Santa (Cornell)

This article is part of our “Let’s Keep This Website Awesome Over Winter Break” Tournament series. Check out the opposing article here and be sure to ‘like’ your favorite! YOOO FAT WHITE BIIIITCH!!! So like my bizniss manager sed it’d be a good meiffovve to write you a lettttter about shit I wnt in my... MORE »

December 16, 2011

Transfer Pride: I used to go to Maryland

I used to go to a real school. One where there were tailgates and acid dropping on a Monday at 6pm before Lab and a real Greek Week/Homecoming. Ah yes and one where the Jewish Council students broke it down real hard in the library during finals week. At Cornell we have Club Mann…..at UMD... MORE »