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Tom Coughlin Gives Lombardi Trophy to His Daughter
Mary Sue Coleman Spotted Raging at SAE, Rick’s
Like a solar eclipse, it’s not every day that you see University of Michigan President Mary Sue Coleman drop the whole goody-goody act for some quality partying. In an attempt to better “relate” to the student body, Coleman chose to begin Friday night’s festivities at the tier-1 frat, Sigma Alpha Epsilon. The Bros, of course,... MORE »
Phi-Psi contracted by Obama to work door at Glick Field House
Ann Arbor, Michigan – On Wednesday night thousands of students lined up outside of the Union to have a chance to get a ticket for “Remarks by President Obama,” despite the excruciatingly boring name. While some students couldn’t fathom the existence of times with only three digits (“You mean 17:00 AM, right?), let alone getting... MORE »
Date Party Gets UGLI
Michelangelo had David, Joe Louis had Joe Louis arena, Dave Brandon had the night game, Mary Sue Coleman: has Slutty with a Study Buddy, at the UGLI. This past Saturday, Sorority Iota Delta Epsilon (IDE) held their winter semester formal at the highly relevant Shapiro Undergraduate Library. Sororities have been competing all year long for optimal positioning... MORE »
Girl Sets Record with 52 ‘likes’ in One Discussion Section
For some it’s a placeholder, a space filler. For others, it’s an entity so coveted, so beloved, that addiction is more probable than possible. No””not cocaine but the word “like.’ Many consider it Carrot Top-annoying””like listening to Rick Santorum reason that contraception leads to children being born out of wedlock. But recently, a cult-like following... MORE »
Tom Brady vs. Denard Robinson, the Next Michigan Man
Ok, so Tom Brady didn’t win the Superbowl”¦again. He still makes the rest of us guys look like prepubescent seventh graders just popping our first pimples. He’s TOM BRADY. Just look at that smile and remember; he went to school here. He may not have started, or even played many games, but he is the... MORE »
Cure Your St. Patty’s Day Hangover
St. Patty’s day comes and goes. The anticipation is tremendous; the results the next day, even more terrifying. With it striking on a Saturday, good god, buckle up, it’s time to get rowdy. Still, there’s always the next morning. Through sheer force of will, and many days of practice, I’ve compiled the five best thought... MORE »
East Quad Rennovation Busts Open
Actual U of M Warning Cold weather is a terrifying time for pipes with regards to water, but warm weather brings a whole other realm of ramifications. Seamen. Wait that’s not it, excuse me, it’s semen. See, man; it’s simple. It’s simple, and a little bit dirty. Living in the dorms is a time of... MORE »
Blagoevich Caught Trading for Rights to Electric Chair
In a last ditch effort to save his ass, former Governor of Illinois, Rod Blagoevich, pulled all the plugs. Prison warden, Joseph Salchicha, has reportedly confirmed that Blagoevich was talking with former-former Governor, George Ryan, about, “getting outta here.” According to the account, Blagoevich has been accused of asking Ryan to “get him on that... MORE »
Freshman Steps on ‘M,’ Disintegrates
Unless you are an idiot, foreign, or go to Ohio, or some combination of the three, you know that stepping on the “M’ before your first bluebook results in failing said test at UofM. The brass, block-letter “M’, donated by the class of ’53, has scared off more kids than (insert pedophile). Activists have set... MORE »
The Squirrelly Kings of Campus Basement
The King of the University of Michigan campus basement this month, has to be, could be nothing other than, must be declared: the squirrel society of the Ann Arbor area. With this wimpy wisp of a winter nobody has benefited more than the squirrels. After spending months of preparation: finding nuts, hiding nuts, defending nuts,... MORE »
Phi-Psi contracted by Obama to work door at Glick Field House
Ann Arbor, Michigan – On Wednesday night thousands of students lined up outside of the Union to have a chance to get a ticket for “Remarks by President Obama,” despite the excruciatingly boring name. While some students couldn’t fathom the existence of times with only three digits (“You mean 17:00 AM, right?), let alone getting... MORE »