ITHACA, NY – Ithaca mayor Svante Myrick announced on Monday in a press release that the building which once housed Green Café, located at the corner of Dryden Road and College Avenue, is officially the Biggest Waste of Space in Tompkins County. The award is voted on annually by county officials, and granted to the location contributing the absolute least possible amount of benefit to the Greater Ithaca area.
“It is truly impressive that a rental space at a location as prime as College and Dryden could have remained vacant for so long,” said Myrick. “Though we were all confident that Green Café was itself a terrible idea in the first place, no one could have predicted the immensely poor decision making behind not replacing it with another local business as soon as possible. Now that this building has been a completely empty and useless storefront for nearly two years, the decision of who should receive this award was a no-brainer.”
The announcement marks the first time this recognition has changed hands in several years. In 2001, Mama Teresa’s Pizza on Dryden Road stole the honor from the Cornell School of Hotel Administration, and had held it ever since.
Alberto Mancini, the owner of Mama Teresa’s (affectionately referred to as ‘Mama T’s’ by those who walk past it on their way to Subway), was disappointed at the loss of the title, but could not argue with the decision.
“Offering inferior food and service to a pizzeria literally a thirty second walk away from our doors was a winning strategy for a long time,” said Mancini. “But Green Café’s sheer uselessness is a testament to the stupidity of whoever owns the property. I wish them the best of luck.” Mancini plans on raising prices and further increasing delivery times in anticipation of next year’s vote.
Dan O’Leary, the landlord who owns the Green Café location, as well as several other vacant Collegetown properties, was happy to receive the award.
“What could replace Green Café? A bar? A diner? An arcade? Literally anything, probably,” said O’Leary in an interview following the announcement. “But by keeping rent high and inflexible, I’ve been able to make it completely infeasible for anyone to start up any business there, regardless of how good an idea it is. I’m just really glad all the hard work has finally paid off.” O’Leary intends on hosting a Grand Closing of That Burrito Place to celebrate the event.
Other awards received on Monday included Biggest Waste of Money, given to the RPCC Dance Club, and Biggest Waste of Time, given to Waiting in Line for Promotional Themed Dinners at Okenshields.
