University President David Skorton was stopped earlier today on East Avenue after blowing a stop sign whilst driving at a speed of 50 MPH, over double the campus speed limit of 50 MPH. Rather than calmly handling to the situation, Skorton could be seen belligerently shouting at Campus Police for over 15 minutes, yelling phrases like: “I’m the F$#%ing President, I can do whatever the f$%k I want”, “go get a real job” and, “you’re not even a real Police Officer, you’re whole department is one big f#$%ing joke” After roughly 15 minutes, President Skorton returned to his escalade, and drove away. The officer was not seen pursuing the escalade, and as of right now, no charges are being brought against the President.
One sorrority girl, who wishes to remain anonymous, describes the whole charade as “um, like really bad.” Similarly, student Eyan Roberts, who was giving an official campus tour to prospective students at the time, was quoted saying, “I was clearly shocked. But more importantly, I just didnt know what to tell the Prefroshes. I mean, I knew it was Skorton the second I saw him, but it would really reflect poorly on the school if I told the kids that. After all, my goal is to get them to matriculate here. Skorton wasn’t making that any easier.” Fortunately, Cornell Basement was privlliged enough to interview Officer Daniel Herbets, the ensuing officer. As he described the timeline of the incident, it was hard for Officer Herberts to mask the trauma and stress the whole scenario brought about . As his account came to a close, tears filled his eyes, as he cried about being yelled at by President Skorton. Our best wishes go out to Officer Herberts and his family.
President Skorton has yet to comment on this matter.
