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Article by USC Staff
December 2, 2011

Weekly Sex with the CB Staff: Spooning

Once A Week Has Never Been So Satisfying Weekly Sex –  Me and my girlfriend have been together for a couple months and like each other a ton, but something really stupid has been bothering me. I like spooning as much as the next guy, but I’m ALWAYS big spoon. I think I’d like being... MORE »

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Article by Leah Folta
November 28, 2011

I Have A (Rivalry-Related) Dream

I found out yesterday that Will Forte thinks I’m a douchebag.  After some research, it turns out this Hollywood fancy-man Forte is something called a comedian, and it’s likely this is an exaggeration for humorous purposes (ha! ha!) ““ but in the time it took me to figure that out, I’ve discovered some people take... MORE »

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Article by Leah Folta
November 20, 2011

Your Senior-Year Nega-Resume

Everyone’s got a resume that shows off what’s great, respectable and hire-able about them and its fanciness stands up even to their fancy interview clothes. Everyone, also, whether they’ve written it or not, has a Nega-Resume – which details just the opposite. LADY TROJAN – Senior  (310) still – givesafakenumbersometimes forwardstomy@dolphinsemailfrom8thgrade.com EDUCATION LOWLIGHTS High school ““... MORE »

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Article by Leah Folta
November 8, 2011

New safety mascot Kurt SC maimed in terrible biking accident

“That was fast,” recent safety mascot hire Kurt SC mumbles from his hospital bed. He picks forlornly at the sheets. “My campaign had been going for, what, two weeks?” Kurt woke up from a five day coma this afternoon, and he says his short run as campus preventative safety darling is over. He briefly considered... MORE »

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Article by Leah Folta
November 2, 2011

Singer’s unimpressive WRIT340 grade dooms her music career

“Some misguided souls believe college letter grades to be “unimportant,'” snorts Dr. Rawls, SC’s Chair of Academic Superfluition. “Nastier rumors include the sentiments that Writings 140 and 340 “aren’t worth the time’ and “aren’t necessary for certain professions.'” He shakes his head. “Kids. These. Days.”   Which is why the good Doctor doesn’t feel bad... MORE »

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Article by Leah Folta
October 17, 2011

Dornsifes realize they can change College of Letters, Arts, and Sciences name to something “more awesome”

The momentous generosity of this year’s Dornsife donation is surpassed in momentousness  only by the University’s heralding of it. Shirts, emails, emails about the newsletter, one impulsive tattoo ““ the Dornsife name will live on forever in my inbox and on my body. The woefully unspecific College of Letters, Arts and Sciences is unspecific no... MORE »

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Article by Leah Folta
October 11, 2011

Lonely seniors begin to outsource exhausted dating pools

Many seniors whose sex lives extend beyond movies where Ryan Gosling takes his shirt off (like me, someday) have found themselves running out of people to date. Potential partners in extensive hand-holding/enthusiastic hugging/other things I assume people do in relationships seem to be an endangered species.   “Everyone I could be interested in, I’ve either already been... MORE »

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Article by Leah Folta
October 3, 2011

Sidewalk-bikers to USC: “the street is lava!!”

Daily life holds scores of minor frustrations that you, as a mature college-pseudo-adult, handle with patience and grace. If you’re me, all of those minor frustrations are people who ride bicycles through sidewalks. Also, patience is as likely as those bikers are to make it to class without hitting a pedestrian (UNlikely! Ha!).   This... MORE »

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Article by Lia Woodward
March 30, 2011 1 Comment

Naked young man saves girl’s life on top of Waite Phillips Hall

Over the weekend, many of those in attendance at the DG philanthropy event became witnesses to an unexpected incident. Since then, photographic evidence of the event has been widely circulated and become the choice topic at  this very dinner table. It appears that on that day, attendees saw more public service than they had bargained for. As the... MORE »