Varsity. Funk “n Waffles. Paradise Found.
For those unfamiliar with OCMP, here’s how it works. Similar
to the process of purchasing an on-campus meal plan, you make a flat payment
for a certain number of meals, ranging from 2-3 meals per week to 21 meals per
week. Unlike the regular meal plan, though, the OCMP does not come with
diarrhea.
Starting in the Spring 2011 semester, Paradise Found will be
included in the Off Campus Meal Plan. What does this mean? It means that your
mom can now buy you some chicken wings and a lap dance.
Are parents upset about this? “No,” said one student’s
mother. “My son, God bless him, is ugly as all hell, and if I have to pay to
make sure that he sees a woman’s breast before he turns 30, so be it,” adding,
“To be honest, I don’t think the strippers are going to want to go anywhere
near him anyway.”
While male students are obviously overjoyed at the new
venture, it may come as a surprise that female students, too, are excited about
the new destination for cuisine. “I’d rather go someplace with decent food and
somewhat attractive people than go to Sadler to watch Bubba deep-fry my pasta,”
said Jenna Leonard, a sophomore who uses OCMP. “You’ve gotta take the good with
the bad, not the bad with the worse.”
Paraide Found owner Donny Sisco is thrilled about the new
business he’ll receive through Syracuse University. “We’ve decided to start
some new specials in light of our new relationship,” said Sisco. “Thigh
Thursdays and Fried Fridays. Oh, and we’re also going to add some food
specials!”
I hear Fried Fridays can get pretty greasy”¦
