Friday’s NIT Championship game was a close one, with
Syracuse edging out Stanford in the final minutes, winning 69-63.

Throughout the course of the game, “Cuse fans could be heard
screaming at their televisions for the entire forty-minute affair. Said Julie
Henderson of Florida, “Around 6:45, I thought there was an earthquake in my
neighborhood. Turns out it was some guy a thousand miles from here screaming
about Dion Waiters.”

Bruce McKenzie of Ohio thought, “there was a ghost in my
house asking why I “couldn’t make a fucking free throw.’ Then I realized the
voice wasn’t coming from my house, it was from hundreds of miles east.” Added
McKenzie, “And he was obviously talking about Scoop Jardine, not me.”

Because of the decibel-defying volume produced by
individuals in the Syracuse area, many television sets shattered; others simply
disintegrated, disappearing into thin air. 

Thousands of members of the Central
New York population will resort to sign language over the next few days, having
lost their voices some time in the second half when the Orange decided it would
be fun to give the ball to the opposing team as often as possible, and, in true Syracuse fashion, refrained from making free throws when they mattered.

The most commonly Googled sign language phrase in the
minutes following 7:04 pm EST was “What the hell were they doing for those
first 37 minutes?!”



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