Just as they have done so many times in the past, officials at Syracuse University announced today that they plan to shut down University Avenue in the near future. Sources say that once the street has been closed, it will remain that way for at least a month.

When such instances have occurred in the past, officials have cited “construction” as the source of the obstruction of traffic almost every time. Though there is no scheduled construction to be done this week, Chancellor Nancy Cantor insists that, “there are major reforms being put into action.” While she chose not to disclose what sort of construction would be done, Cantor remains adamant that the construction will benefit the campus aesthetically, but that it will be a hassle, an eyesore, and a general thorn in the side of students and faculty alike for far longer than necessary.

“Let’s be honest,” said Cantor. “Every time we’ve done construction here in the past, the process has lasted at least a year longer than anticipated, becoming frustrating for anyone looking to travel within the campus. We don’t expect anything different this time.”

The question remains as to what exactly will be built, considering that University Avenue is satiated with buildings after the recent erection of the Life Sciences Complex.

“Look, we don’t necessarily need land in order to erect a new building. In fact, next year we plan to put a new architecture building on top of Hendricks Chapel. Sure, it’ll be nearly impossible to get up there, but once you do”¦well, it’ll be beautiful.”

Hopefully the reformations pay off in the end. In the mean time, we can all enjoy the prison-like atmosphere created by cinderblocks, traffic cones, and chain-link fences that have come to symbolize Syracuse Universit