So recently, we decided we’d start a new segment relating to all the best (awkward) stories from their freshman years. This is our first submission.

Dear Cuse My Campus:

Freshman year. Sadler hall. Late night. My girlfriend was visiting.

The stage was set for disaster.

Earlier that night, I had had WAY too much water to drink and I couldn’t make it all the way through the night without journeying down the hall to the bathroom. So I did what my 83-year-old grandfather does: I got up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. And I will never do so again.

I successfully executed the trip. I successfully did my business. And I successfully made it back to bed. But not MY bed.

In my half-asleep state, I had entered the dorm room next to mine. I opened the door, crossed the room and got into bed with what I assumed was my girlfriend. It was not.

I moved closer to the stranger in the bed and spooned what I thought was my girlfriend. It was not.

I kissed the ear of what was supposed to be my girlfriend. It was not.

The face of the person who rolled over to look at me should have been that of my girlfriend. It was not. It was the face of my Asian neighbor. My MALE Asian neighbor. My male Asian neighbor who barely spoke a word of English and with whom I had never said a word in my life. He looked at me, I looked at him, and then he said, in broken English: “You could at least buy me dinner first.”

Ok, that last part was fake, but the rest of this is, sadly, true. My girlfriend and I have since broken up. And I’d like to think that this incident had nothing to do with it. But in reality, after this happened, she just never looked at me the same again.

Neither did my neighbor.



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