There’s a lot more to Kimmel Hall than four floors complete with bathrooms, beds, and residents””there are also vending machines””but what is truly special about the building is what lies just beyond said machines, through the heavy grey door. Upon opening this door, one will find an exit door directly in front of her, and if she only knew what happens within these walls, she would run full speed ahead.

Teenage girls are ridiculous, I should know””I fall perfectly into that category, and unfortunately I’m stuck there for another two years. What is so ridiculous about teenage girls you may ask?–Well, a lot””and through PMS, boys, alcohol, boys, drugs, poor attention spans and sleep deprivation you too will become familiar with teenage girls in their natural habitat, but let’s go back to where it all begins.

High school is a breeding ground for teenage girls. It is where the drama starts, and where most naïve individuals believe it ends””but of course they are terribly mistaken. You see, when you strip yourself of your graduation cap and gown, the stench of drama remains, and no amount of soap can remove it from your flesh as only personal and intellectual growth can truly shed the skin of adolescence. Thus, when you arrive to college, you are still in this old, dramatic skin with thoughts of being this cool new kid in town who hopes of making a million and a half friends and dating your professor for a guaranteed “A.” Then you realize your floor consists of fifteen other girls, all freshmen””fuck.

Now we’re back to Kimmel Hall, where it all goes down, and not a day goes by where a bed doesn’t squeak from perpetual motion. It’s a quiet hall, or at least it’s supposed to be after the hours of eleven PM Sunday-Thursday, and two AM Friday-Saturday, but there is always noise no matter what time the clock reads. Lined by doors to the laundry room, stairwell, garbage room, sink room, and bathroom on one side, and portholes into hours upon hours of entertainment on the other, the ground floor serves as a common walkway for all the residents of Kimmel Hall. These portholes, or dorm rooms, contain human beings””female human beings, college freshmen female human beings””the best kind of human beings in my sarcastic opinion.

I must warn you that venturing into the world of college freshmen girls may be detrimental to your health, unless you’re a college freshmen male, then it may be very beneficial for you. Nonetheless, the following stories are actual instances that have occurred on the ground floor of Kimmel Hall over the course of the 2008-2009 academic year. It amazes me to see just how much can happen over such a short span of time, and how these numerous events can join forces to make seven months seem like an eternity.

Story 1: What’s That Noise?