Move Off Campus
So you spent your first two years at SU living in Brewster and Watson, and your successful entry into a party depended mostly upon the mercy of those arrogant condescending assholes working the front door. Now, that arrogant condescending asshole can be YOU! Whether you’re living on frat row or on Euclid, residing in your very own house not only gives you an RA-free place to rage whenever you want, but also gives you the power to accept or reject any and all potential party guests! Make a dude pay extra because he didn’t bring girls, kick a guy out because he sucks at dancing, or refuse to allow a girl inside because she cheated on your roommate with your other roommate – the possibilities for judgmental fun are endless!
This could be you!
Yell “FRESHMEN!!!” at Freshmen
Back in the day, when you were a measly first-year student walking down Comstock on a Friday night, you wondered how the upperclassmen were always able to identify you as a freshman. Maybe it was the nerdy orange lanyard hanging from your neck. Maybe it was your excessive amount of SU apparel or the fact that you seemed to be wandering aimlessly with no clear destination in particular. Or maybe it was simply that you were amidst the company of over 20 of your floormates. Whatever it was, your place at the bottom of the SU social hierarchy was made abundantly clear by upperclassmen who would yell “FRESHMEN!!!” at you as they drove by in their cars blasting whatever hip-hop/techno/pop song was popular at the time. And while you swore to yourself that years later you would never perpetuate this seemingly pointless tradition, junior year is the time when you’re a full two years older and can really begin to claim seniority over the freshmen class.
Study Abroad
Best start looking for a subletter now, because a four-month long traveling vacation is expensive enough without having to pay double rent. Junior year is a time when a solid percentage of students temporarily exit the Syracuse bubble and venture off into a far away land. Some of SU Abroad’s centers include London, Madrid, Florence, and Beijing. Studying overseas means lots of traveling, personal development, and experiencing different cultures. It also means that upon your return to SU, you should be as smug and patronizing as possible to the friends you left behind. You must let them know, in a slight foreign accent, that there are simply no words to describe your experience and that they just “wouldn’t get it” unless they hopped on a plane and moved to Europe immediately. You can then resume life as usual with your friends, except with a thinly veiled air of superiority around you at all times.
Stop Buying Season Tickets to Football Games
During your first year of college, having football season tickets was the beacon of awesomeness. You would paint up your face and body with your friends and demonstrate your loyalty to the team by camping outside the Carrier Dome for 72 or more hours. You were blissfully unaware of how fruitless this dedication was and always had faith that SU football would turn itself around and make it worth your while. Sophomore year, you wised up a little but decided to buy football tickets anyway just because your friends were doing it. It takes a full three years, but junior year is often the time when you regretfully give up on football and invest all your school spirit into other endeavors like basketball or rugby. Sure, Otto and Coach Marrone might be a little hurt, but hey, they’ll always have a new batch of naïve freshmen students to disappoint.
“For the love of God, please catch the ball or I’ll lose my job.”
Throw Your 21st Birthday Party
So it is finally time for you to say goodbye to the driver’s license of your 23-year-old friend Gary who sort of looks somewhat like you. He’s gotten you through some tough times, but now they’re long gone. It’s okay – if you ever want to pay him a visit, you know his address by heart and even his astrological sign. 21 is pretty much the last birthday that provides you with new privileges of any kind. (Unless you want to run for president, for which you’ll have to wait until you’re 35. And the senior citizen discount for a movie ticket is usually around age 60.) Regardless, you’d best get on Facebook ASAP and start creating an event page for what will likely be the most epic drunken keg party EVER! Invite all your friends, enemies, and acquaintances! Throw it at Chuck’s, Harry’s, your fraternity house, wherever ““ if it doesn’t end with you blacked out in a bush somewhere surrounded by the faint smell of your own stomach acids, you have failed as member of the drinking age community.
A successful birthday always ends here