Mizzou has always been known for having an immense Greek town. It’s almost a separate island in this small little town of Columbia, MO. Men in Greek life have it easy, drinking in their house, a firm set of bros, women wearing virtually no clothing coming to them and a shoo in for at least two boob interactions a night if not more. But what do the male GDI’s do on those lonely weekends? When all they have is a fresh stomach, will power and a major sex drive? The answer is everything short of interesting. 

Weekends filled with sitting in a circle sharing a few Natural lights trying to be masculine, various attempts at getting dome from a sorority girl and creative plots to get into frat parties. 

It’s depressing when your guy friend comes into town in hopes of getting some action and free beer and then you remind him that since he doesn’t wear Sperry’s and brightly colored pants he has no chance. So I came up with some options with the help of my GDI friends to get you out of that awkward pole smoking moment with your homeboys:

Option 1: Go to Walmart, take some Nerf guns and with 6 GDI’s start a war- This will most likely get you kicked out or shunned by the Walmart gods but you have a million options for hiding places. Two khaki wearing GDI’s by the milk,  a couple in the baby clothes section and two in the discount aisle- next thing you know you have yourself a full on male orgy.

Option 2: Burn stuff- honestly you just can’t go wrong with this one. I mean, what’s more fun than throwing a bunch of random shit into a pile and seeing what explodes?

Option 3: Go trashcan tipping- this one was brought up by a GDI on my floor and I was a little confused. Apparently you drive in a car, swing the door open when you see a juicy looking can o’ garbage and kick the shit out of it. I don’t really get it, but hey, I guess it’s better than jacking each other off in a dorm room on a Friday while playing Madden, right?

Option 4: Plank shit- This is my personal favorite; planking will always be a favorite past time of mine. I’ve planked hay barrels, basketball goals and even people in my day, and I encourage every one of you GDI’s to attempt to beat my prestigious planks.

In the long run, Geed’s you really have no hope. So either take my advice or go buy a tacky button-up shit and pink pants, maybe then girls will want you.