Adam Rosenberg failed out of his study abroad program. This is the first time in Cornell University history that any student has failed out of their program. It would not be the first time a student was kicked out of their program. That’s actually quite commonplace. These things happen abroad be it from excessive consumptions of alcohol and or nudity…it’s Europe, people get excited.

The university is not punishing Mr. Rosenberg. You may be curious as to why…well don’t you worry my faithful readers (thanks Campus Basement staff and Mom) I will let you in on the deets – yeah I said deets.

Mr. Rosenberg did not fail out because of grades, he is obviously a smart fellow going to Cornell and all and abroad programs are a joke. Poor little Adam failed out because he slept through 8 of one of his classes. Each student is allotted 4 absences, but then after that your grade drops one letter with every absence. Adam had an A in his class, but then after his 5th absence he was at a B, then, well you know the deal.

How could someone sleep through 8 of the same class? If you’ve been abroad you understand. If not then you’re a fucking idiot for not studying abroad….just kidding (no – I’m not kidding). Having a 12PM class abroad is the equivalent of an 8:40am lab in Ithaca. You’re not likely to make it every week let alone twice or three times a week. In Mr. Rosenberg’s case it was on Tuesdays and Thursdays – rookie mistake. Monday and Wednesday night are the two biggest week nights to go out  and so waking up the next morning in a strange city and getting to class can be difficult. Also, getting used to military time is not easy. Alarms may not always react well to the time difference and the actual 24 hour days. Cornell understands and so they are punishing him by having him finish his semester at Cornell without receiving any credits (he has to take 15 credits, but they won’t count and one of which is a language). Oh and then over the summer he has to take another 15 so he can graduate on time.

Here at Campus Basement we are proud of our friend Adam for being such an epic fail. Congratulations Mr. Rosenberg so fully getting all you could out of your abroad experience for the two months you were there. We salute you.

The Cornell Daily Sun is super excited for Mr. Rosenberg to come back to Cornell so they can exploit him.