Freshman Sean Clark recently checked into a mental institution this November break, presumably driven to an irreversible state of insanity in response to his extended family’s fruitless attempts at humor throughout their Thanksgiving dinner party at Aunt Tilly’s.
Sean’s seemingly impossible family tree includes obscene amounts of aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, and significant others. The extended family of over 30 guests eagerly sat down at their respective seats as marked on nametags colored and decorated by adorable 6-year-old cousin Sue.
Unfortunately, this left Sean the last to sit down at the very end of the large rectangular table, facing straight and overlooking the rest of the guests. In response, Grandpa was the first to make one of many terrible jokes that night: “Hey Sean, looks like you’re the king of the table! Hahahaha!” The entire table erupted in laughter and Sean could only smile and cringe to himself on the inside.
After guests helped themselves to food, Uncle Louie took the stage and asked Sean a number of invasive and inappropriate questions about his sex life: “Hey Sean, you still a virgin? Somebody get this kid a hooker!” Uncle Louie then requested that Sean pull his finger. After Sean politely declined numerous times, Uncle Louie proceeded to make a farting noise anyway.
Later, when Sean did not finish every piece of food on his plate, Cousin Ted commented, “Looks like Sean’s eyes must have been bigger than his stomach!” A historical research report has proven that Cousin Ted is the first person in the history of the universe to make that joke.
As the desserts came out, Sean’s mother, Helen, blurted out, “Oh Sean HATES dessert! Get this kid some more broccoli!!!” which was hilariously ironic for the whole family because Sean is known to prefer cake over vegetables.
At the dinner’s end, Sean threw a violent temper tantrum and was promptly sent to a mental institution. “Hehe, maybe he’ll finally get laid in there!” Uncle Louie concluded.