When a major politician seeks the legalization of marijuana, it speaks volumes to the millions of advocates nationwide. Millions more jump on board when a presidential nominee promises to eliminate all military engagements brought about in the last decade.
For Ron Paul, this appeal to the masses has proven successful in the Iowa and New Hampshire Caucuses. Now, it seems an external influence has brought about another extreme policy stance.
“I sat down after the results came in from New Hampshire, rolled a fatty and poured myself a glass of 100 year old bourbon. Flipping through the channels, I stumbled across the movie V for Vendetta. First off, Natalie Portman is a smokin’ hottie even with a buzz cut. Demi Moore looked too dyke-ish in G.I. Jane, but Portman, man oh man. Anyway, two blunts later and after memorizing every job title in the credit reel, I realized that movie had an incredible point. That Adolf-lookin’-Chancellor-Boy really fucked things up in that country. That’s when I knew the United States needs to abolish the executive branch altogether.” Paul said.
When asked how he planned to do this, Paul simply referred to the final act where Parliament went up in flames. “I’m not implying I’d blow the White House into oblivion, but let’s just say I’d flex my presidential prowess to get rid of that bitch.”
Critics have been quick to condone the policy stance, saying any presidential hopeful seeking to destroy something created by our forefathers has fallen off their wagon. Paul publically resents those critics with the utmost vigor.
“Bitch, I’m smokin’ L’s, my Escalade sits on 4-4′s and that movie gave me the biggest hard-on not Viagra-induced! I’m off my wagon?! Bitch, please! This whole country’s off their wagon! I’m the only old fuck in this Congress not worrying about my timeshare in Costa Rica! Forever remember the fifth of November! Fuck–I need another joint.”