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Students Re-Evaluate College Experience After Watching “I’m Shmacked” Movie

Article by amcguire November 9, 2012

On October 23rd “I’m Shmacked” released a short movie of a “typical” weekend as a University of Miami student. The video was filled with students getting…well…shmacked…at all sorts of outrageous parties, clubs, private islands, and tailgates (all with “prop” alcohol of course) during Homecoming weekend.  While the “Schmacked” series is a huge hit amongst the... MORE »

Miami »
Article by nightcrawler
October 19, 2012

FSU in Panic Over Pep Rally Car Smashing

The University of Miami proved that it clearly has a better football program earlier this week by destroying a used car, painted in Seminole maroon and gold. The vehicle received merciless beatings at the hands of sledgehammer-wielding students, faculty and alumni at the annual homecoming pep rally, and the aftermath has been immediate and severe.... MORE »

Article by amcguire
October 14, 2012 1 Comment

CONSPIRACY THEORIES: Why Does Obama Keep Coming to the U?

Heeee’s Baraaacck! That’s right ladies and gentleman, President Barack Obama has made yet another trip down to the U—his 3rd visit in only 8 months…Coincidence?  I THINK NOT!  The Miami basement staff is determined to leave no ROCK unturned and to expose our President’s secret motives. 1.    Love child with Donna Shalala You heard it... MORE »

Article by amcguire
February 29, 2012

International Waiting-in-Line-Symposium Coming to Miami This Spring

The National Society for Line Waiting announced this week that due to the overwhelming amount of students who have been forming lines to get tickets to events such as President Obama’s speech last week and Billy Joel’s Q&A in March, the University of Miami would have the honor of hosting the annual “International Waiting-In-Line-Symposium.” The prestigious event features all... MORE »

Article by nightcrawler
February 14, 2012

Canes Disappointed in their Failure to Disappoint Fans at Duke

It has become a Miami tradition to build up expectations of athletic greatness with promising pre-season outlooks and sparks of potential, only to crush the hopes and dreams of “Canes fans. From missed shots, to interceptions, and sometimes just a lack of trying, Hurricanes athletics has been a source of gut-wrenching disappointment for quite a... MORE »

Article by amcguire
February 7, 2012

What Your Youtube Viewing History Says About You

There are millions of videos on YouTube, with content ranging from laser cats to fail blogs. As college students we have come to love YouTube for allowing us to express ourselves, and also for giving us the opportunity to watch away the precious hours of our lives watching fat kids falling off of things, shitty cover bands, and undiscovered... MORE »

Article by nightcrawler
February 3, 2012

8th Wonder of the World at UM

When I applied to the U I had one fear: Parking Spaces. Everybody knows a college’s prestige is defined by the number of parking spaces it has on campus, since it’s directly correlated to the number of billionaire alumni. Since I plan on being a billionaire by 2013 (I watched the Social Network, I know... MORE »

Article by amcguire
January 31, 2012

Shalala Writes Letter of Thanks to Penn State, Syracuse

Earlier this week, Donna Shalala, President of the University of Miami sent letters of gratitude to both Penn State and Syracuse. In her messages Shalala graciously thanked the schools’ athletic departments for their roles in scandals that various media outlets have widely proclaimed as being the most shocking and inexcusable in the history of college sports. Shalala described the incidents as... MORE »

Article by nightcrawler
January 24, 2012

Things UM Needs to Improve its Status (Or at Least Make it More Kick Ass)

1. Nude Area on the sidewalk by the lake Who wouldn’t want to go to a college that promotes nudity, especially considering the local talent we’ve got roaming around these parts? Other colleges limit their public nudity to the first rain of the year or only for a single mile. It’s high time that one university... MORE »

Article by amcguire
January 23, 2012

Top 5 Sports That Would Put Miami Athletics Back on the Map

An appeal to the Miami athletics department: As another bowl season comes to a close, I think it’s time we reflect on our goals for UM athletics. Frankly, our football team is the only thing anyone really cares about and it’s in bad shape. We’ve got NCAA sanctions on the way and besides, the SEC is going to win every... MORE »