Tom Murphy’s dreams were about to come true.
“I
couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t breathe,” said Murphy, a freshman television-radio-film
major. “Hell, I even had trouble using the bathroom ““ I was just that excited.
I spent the better part of the week sitting in my room, bracing myself.”
But
by Thursday evening, all of Murphy’s dreams came crashing down, leaving him devastated.
“Do
you know what that feels like, to be let down so much?” he said, fighting back
tears. “It’s like hearing the local Target finally has “The Sims 3′ in stock,
but seeing that it’s all sold out by the time you get there. I don’t know ““ it
might even be worse.”
Murphy
is one of a rising number of students on the Syracuse University campus
grappling with bitter disappointment after discovering that their “Star Wars”
idol ““ Boba Fett ““ does not live in campus
hotspot, Boba Suite.
“I
know what that letdown feels like,” said Lewis Clarkson, an undecided sophomore.
“I remember my freshman year, completely decked out in my Mandalorian armor and
walking into Boba Suite, thinking, “I finally get to see where Boba Fett lives.’
Instead, I just started thinking, “Why the hell are there so many Asians in
here?'”
For
fanboys worldwide, Boba Fett is the bounty hunter from the original “Star Wars”
movies whose most notable bounty was in 3 ABY, when he captured Rebel hero, Han
Solo, and delivered him to Jabba the Hutt encased in carbonite. Yet for the
fanboys on the Syracuse University campus, Boba Fett is like the scumbag father
who walked out on them and ran away with his stripper girlfriend, Candy.
“I
have never even seen “Star Wars,'” said Boba Suite co-owner, Lang Lang, who has
already had a difficult year with his business. “People keep asking me
where the boba is, and when I give them a cup of tapioca, they become upset. I
don’t understand”¦do you want a taro milk tea?”
SU
officials have made promises to resolve the misconception for both current and
prospective students. University tour guides, for example, will begin
incorporating Boba Suite into their tour paths, emphasizing that it has no
affiliation with “Star Wars” or any of its properties.
“We
acknowledge that Boba Fett’s absence may push prospective students away from attending our
campus,” said a university official who
wished to remain anonymous. “But we remain hopeful that our endless supply of
Sbarro pizzas will sway those sitting on the fence.”
But
for students like Murphy, the situation may ultimately prove as a valuable
learning experience.
“I’ve
gotta keep that shit on lockdown,” he said. “Maybe I’ll join some underground
secret society constantly on the lookout for a real Boba Fett sighting. Otherwise,
I’m just setting myself up for a loss every time.”
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