Suck it up readers.
This is all I have on my mind. Sorry for being lame.

So, my WashU comrades, it is that time of year again. Christmahanakwanzika,
you ask? Of course not. Its finals season, baby! Refills on Adderrall
prescriptions have been placed. Textbooks have been dusted off. Study rooms
have been reserved. Time to show that professor of yours that wearing Greek
letters everyday to class does not mean you have the IQ of a Neanderthal.

So you make the hajj to the library, and what do you find? A
plethora of studious college students, warming every seat in eye’s reach. I’m
not just talking about the second floor tables and third floor cubicles. Desperate
students have even started asking library staff behind the front desk if they
could shack up next to them for the evening. WydownWater is capitalizing on
this opportunity, selling seats starting at $10 an hour. Whispers is also now off limits. This
elitist study room, as Kriegman would put it, has transformed into the
cafeteria scene from Mean Girls
cheetah pounces included. So where does a young lad go if he needs to hit the
books? I’m glad you asked.

Umrath (Hall not dorm):
Love the outdoors? Well Umrath Hall is the place for you. No Pandora needed!
You have a symphony of saws and jackhammers playing for you from nine to five.
Just remember to bring a paperweight for your notes in case it gets windy. Always
feel free to grab a Cup o’ Joe and partake in stimulating conversation with the
construction workers for a study break. Their nail gun scars will probably
remind you why you are getting a college education in the first place.

East Asian Library:
Does the smell of dusty books and the look of Chinese characters arouse you? If
so, I’d prefer if you steered clear of this study location. That kind of stuff
makes me uncomfortable. But if you can manage to keep it in your pants, join me
as I attempt to live up to the Asian stereotype. I can just hear my imaginary
Asian parents now, telling me I would be disowned if I got an A- on my calc 3
exam. How inspirational. Plus the wooden chairs with the uncomfortably straight
backs remind me the studying is no laughing matter. Hit the books here if you
need a slap in the face and a place to get down to business. I will be
providing the slaps at the door.

Wheeler Common Room:
Where? Exactly. A perfect place to isolate yourself from humanity/ cool people.
(Don’t worry I can say that since I live there.)

South Forty Gym:
Wait. So you’re telling me I can study micro and improve the muscle definition of my thighs? SHUT UP. Girls.
Guys. No mostly girls. This is the perfect time for you to work off that cookie
crumb you treated yourself to over Thanksgiving Break. I know you’re still
thinking about it. Caution: NEVER
try to read and run on the treadmill at the same time. You will crash and burn.
(Thank God that happened to me at my gym at home, where my chance to be cool
died in the seventh grade.)

So all you readers, checking out this AMAZING new Campus Basement
article during your study break (the share button is in the bottom left corner),
gather your belongings and walk out those freakishly heavy doors of Olin
Library. An adventure awaits you.

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