Status Updates from the Airplane Home

Article by Becca Grumet

December 13, 2011 at 9:50 pm

with contributions by Quyen C Nguyen Le!

I got pretty bored on my way home to Florida this winter break. So I decided to let you all in on my experience. Happy holidays!

SEE MORE » facebook, travel, winter

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February 18, 2013

Fighting On Elsewhere: A Daytrip to San Luis Obispo

Though the USC area certainly has its redeeming qualities (Spudnuts, USC, the UV movie theatre, the raccoon I once saw outside of my apartment building), the inhabitants of Figueroa etc. do occasionally long for time away from DPS reports, bike thieves, poor late night diet decisions, and the occasional vaguely rabid squirrel. That is where... MORE »

November 8, 2012

The Five Types of Political Facebook Users

In case this is literally the first thing you’ve seen in the past 24-ish hours, let me deliver the news to you: President Barack Obama is still President Barack Obama and it’ll be another four years until we call him former President Barack Obama. Michelle is still around (yay!), we’ll see Malia hit the big... MORE »

April 1, 2012

Make Some April Fools!

It’s that day again, dear readers. It is a day of enlightenment, for us all to share in new beliefs. Today, gullible is written on the ceiling, genetically-engineered winged pigs have escaped their containment tanks, and HBO canceled Game of Thrones on a whim at 12:00 AM. Really! Anyone with half a brain can become... MORE »

March 19, 2012

Parents refuse another bailout though sophomore says she is “too big to fail”

“I made a bad business decision. I understand that now,” an anonymous* student** says, of the six months’ food money she spent this week on airplane tickets, tequila, sunscreen, Mexican-jail-bribe money and large amounts of cocaine (“as a joke!” she insists, rolling her eyes). “I am an institution! In my hall, in my study groups,... MORE »

October 4, 2011

Scooters take over USC one Razor at a time: but at what price?

The current traffic on Trousdale Parkway proves that USC students are quickly discovering the benefits of riding a kick scooter to class. But even with these foldable beauties popping up just about everywhere, scooter-riders are still discriminated against on on campus. Serious scooter riders want students to know that they deserve just as much respect... MORE »

September 22, 2011

Students shocked, devastated at Facebook renovations: “THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE AND I HATE IT”

“Are they TRYING to make us upset??” one sophomore begged, her voice cracking. She was one of hundreds of students the past couple days who poured out onto the streets and sidewalks around campus, uprooted physically and mentally from their normal routines as a result of the new Facebook layout changes. “My newsfeed is different... MORE »

July 18, 2011

Carmageddon: A Trojan Story of Survival

For the last several weeks it has been virtually impossible to possess ears and simultaneously be unaware of the apocalyptic closing of the 405 freeway. Even then, earless Southern Californians knew about Carmageddon, maybe even sooner than the rest of us because they can sense the impending terror through vibrations in the ground, probably. As... MORE »

April 13, 2011

Sophomore discovers Facebook ‘happy birthdays’ less meaningful than she thought

“It’s ““ it’s basically just a wave, or a poke, even, nowadays,” sophomore Katy Ruiz chokes through stifled sobs. “I didn’t realize that this last little shred of e-happiness I had has been bastardized, just like the rest.” The distraught Ruiz refers to her recent revelation that Facebook “happy birthday” wishes are perhaps more casual... MORE »

December 16, 2010

How to Hide Your Crazy From that Guy You Like

So you’re crazy. It’s OK! Unfortunately, you’re not that irresistible crazy/hot combo or you’d already be rolling in codependent relationships, crushing any soul naÃ¯ve enough to open itself to you, and getting your tongue ring all up in whoever’s mouth you please. These suggestions, if followed, can save you some time before you too can... MORE »

September 24, 2011

Concerned student starts Panty Shelter for abandoned undies

It’s a taboo problem in our society no one wants to discuss, but we’ve all been touched by it in some way. Either we or someone we know has a story to tell about this sad situation, but only among friends and behind closed doors. Most students are content to shake there heads, maybe take... MORE »

April 14, 2013

Lena Dunham to release spoken word poetry album

Fueled by Ramen, the record label behind the soundtrack GIRLS Volume 1: Music from the Original HBO Series, announced today that they will be releasing an album of original spoken word poetry written and performed by none other than Lena Dunham herself. It comes as no surprise after Dunham signed a $3.7 million book deal for... MORE »

February 22, 2013

Music Festival Lineups Announced, Everyone Turns into Douchebags

“Dude, did you see the Bonnaroo lineup?” asked a tall, skinny white kid to his equally skinny white friend at the Campus Center this past Tuesday. “Dude. Dude!” We started to notice similar instances happening all around campus. One girl near our table in particular frantically proceeded to share jpegs of the Coachella lineup on each of... MORE »

January 28, 2013

“Trojan Family Room” renamed for napping purposes

Since its grand opening in 2010, the Ronald Tutor Campus Center has been quite the useful addition for all Trojans, from the outdoor International Plaza to the upstairs offices and Traditions in the basement. But the most useful of all, however, has been the grand entrance of Sample Hall, more commonly known as the “Trojan... MORE »

December 6, 2012

Everyone Blows Off Last Week of Classes, Goes to Disneyland Instead

"I've actually decided to drop my major and dance in the parade full time now that I've spent the week at Disneyland," said a very excited theater major. "It's just such a lifestyle here." For some reason, we totally agreed with everything she said and blamed it on creepily persuasive Disney magic. MORE »

November 21, 2012

15 Things I’m Thankful For

Because time moves too quickly in college I’m not really sure what Thanksgiving is about anymore (pilgrims?? Genocide? I dunno), but the one thing I do recall is that people say what they’re thankful for, and so I’ve compiled a list to read out at the dinner table tomorrow: 1. The Mucho Mango smoothie at the SCA... MORE »

October 31, 2012

5 Antisocial Things to do on Halloween

Um, somehow it became Halloween. I’m not sure when that happened, and I’ve decided it’s probably because I have no social life. Whoops. Therefore! As a pathetic person who can’t even remember what day it is, I appropriately compiled a list of antisocial things to do while still maintaining the Halloween spirit. Bring on the... MORE »

October 17, 2012

Campus Center Piano Bans “Chopsticks”

The Ronald Tutor Campus Center recently added a painted upright piano to the International Plaza. The piano, donated by a USC staff member and alumna, became available for anyone to play as part of the campus center’s “Art and Trojan Traditions” program. The piano quickly gained so much of a following that frequent visitors began... MORE »

October 10, 2012

5 Reasons To Celebrate the Rain

Finally. After several weeks in the high 80s to mid 90s, the LA weather forecast not only dropped down to the usual 70s, but predicted scattered thunderstorms with a 50% chance of rain for this Thursday, otherwise known as tomorrow. “Aw man!” exclaimed some lame guy in Ray Bans next to me upon hearing the... MORE »

October 3, 2012

Come for the donuts, stay for the drunk people

You can get anything from fritters to bagels to breakfast sandwiches to ice cream to any kind of boba-related drink to cereal to cigarettes to vitamin water to iPhone cases to copies of your assignment due in an hour. MORE »

September 26, 2012

Young Adult Novels are Totally Cool

I have a confession to make: I never grew up. At least, with books. I mean, I’ve tried to read the classics and textbooks for school and weird angsty poetry but something always brings me back to the good ol’ days of hiding behind the awesomeness of the YA novel. Yes, even now in college.... MORE »

September 19, 2012

Returning Students Petition for Cafe 85

Returning students to USC were not happy to find their favorite overpriced food court no longer accessible without a meal plan. With Jamba Juice, Daphne’s, and Wok Bar merely legend to current freshmen, the rest of the student body is in a constant state of mourning. “I will never get a free boost ever again,”... MORE »

April 19, 2012

Senior discovers hidden gem known as “Galen Dining Center”

It has recently come to our attention that the Galen Dining Center, also known as “where the football team eats” to campus tour guides, has gone unnoticed for many during their time at USC. What is the Galen Dining Center, you ask? That’s exactly what Steve Flanders, a graduating senior, asked too. “I just never... MORE »

April 12, 2012

Collegiate Honor Society Honors Everyone

"Congratulations!" said an email that many students received this past week. "You have qualified for an unselective honor society entitled the National Society of People in College. You have managed to simply be a person in college. Everyone receives this honor (except people who don't go to college), so you should be somewhat-not-really proud of your accomplishment." MORE »

April 5, 2012

5 GPA Boosters For Your Fall Schedule

Believe it or not Trojans, picking your fall classes is right around the corner. If you’re not an engineer and have a couple credits to spare, why not take something completely ridiculous interesting that’ll cushion your GPA at the same time? After asking the brightest and best around, I’ve compiled some options that might just grant you... MORE »

March 30, 2012

Mad Men Returned to TV (And I Liked It)

Oh! Hey USC Basement. Good news. Get out your fitted blazer, skinny tie, and pencil skirt because the men of Madison Avenue are back! AKA Season 5 of Mad Men. The season began with a bang in a two hour premiere last Sunday. Let's party like it's 1966! MORE »

March 22, 2012

Cool Story Bro: “I should have clotheslined him”

A kid, maybe 14 or 15, was bolting towards me. Like, at top speed. And just like in the movies, time seemed to slow down. I couldn’t move. My thoughts were all: “That’s weird. He’s running like, really fast. He probably has to catch a bus. God I really want a Coke Zero. French fries. Jon Hamm. Wait, what--” MORE »

March 18, 2012 1 Comment

10 Totally Awesome Things to Do (On Campus) Over Spring Break

So you’re stuck on campus for spring break. Don’t fret! (do people use that word anymore?) This is your chance to take advantage of USC’s “one-of-a-kind” location for the ultimate staycation. Yes I just used the term “staycation.” Here’s some of our ideas: 1. Try every fast food chain on Figueroa. If you currently live... MORE »

March 1, 2012

CampusCruiser offers new service “CampusLoser”

We’ve all been there ““ dressed to impress at the best rager on Thursday night. The clock strikes 1am with DPS nowhere in sight; a great song comes on as you chat up the hottie you’ve been meaning to talk to for weeks. Then, out of nowhere? The person you least want to see stumbles... MORE »

February 23, 2012

Cool Story Bro: The Laundry Room

This article is part of a new series in which Becca over-dramatically recalls “cool story bro” moments from her time at USC. “WTF,” said a girl down the hall. Her voice sounded like evil grossness. The door to my New-North cubby-hole-of-a-dorm-room was wide open and the high-pitched voice kept at it. “Ewww someone took my... MORE »

February 16, 2012

Breaking News: College Professors Are Old

A recent study conducted by the Old People Association of Educational Things and Stuff found that 89% of all college professors are indeed age 60+. And yet, the test not only measured physical age, but mental age, creating a record breaking statistic of all college professors with an elderly mental age at 99%. The study... MORE »

Tridelts Buy Cakes For Fraternities

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Study shows majority of political debates result in one side changing its mind; "We told you so."

New apartment complexes to house Gateway overflow

Crit Studies student sez: A paint party that could have used some color correction

To Rick Perry, Love Santa Claus