Frequenters of the Row may have noticed a pattern running
rampant among the young ladies these days: noticeably sparse amounts of
clothing. However, these highly respectable women want everyone to know this is
no fashion trend. This is about taking action for a good cause.

“The environment is a really good cause,” says senior Michelle
Hacker, sporting a tight dress that hits just above and below the reproductive essentials,
“and it’s the first thing I’ve ever cared about.”

This “less is more but is really less” movement takes
liberties with how much coverage qualifies as  “clothing” in an effort to conserve precious material for
the future.

“If we don’t do something now, there will be nothing left to
wear to parties, and I didn’t work hard for an education just to stand by and
let that happen,” says Trisha Whitman, freshman. She goes on to model her more
practical, winter friendly version of the tight mini-towel look, proclaiming
“it has one long sleeve!”

When asked about the strong participation among women on the
Row, members of fraternities were more than happy to express their support.

“We feel that this environmental consciousness has really
brought a new level of classiness to the typical Thursday night, and we
couldn’t be prouder,” gushes Todd Pratt, senior, as he admires a passing girl
wearing a bandana as a dress. Under his breath, he adds, “Couldn’t. Be.

Members of the growing “go green/dress less” community do
not plan to abandon their efforts any time soon. From now on, these ladies want
one and all to know that when they step out in their crippling high heels and
imagination-free outfits, they are sending a message loud and clear: See How
Much We Care (or SKANK, for short).

Trisha shivers from the cold, rubbing her uncovered arm and
naked legs for warmth, but gives a triumphant smile. “I feel like Susan B.
Anthony must’ve felt when she was fighting for women’s rights. I hope that someday
our daughters and granddaughters can look at our example and follow in our

The way things are going, that prediction looks more and
more certain.