The staff here at Campus Basement had a lot to be thankful
for this Thanksgiving. But we aren’t the typical bunch to go on and on about boring, trite cliches
like “family” and “health.” Here’s the juicy stuff our writers are really thankful for:
Lia Woodward
I am thankful that I
did not die after accidentally inhaling/choking on some turkey when my aunt
asked me if I have a boyfriend, and I’m equally thankful that the cherry 7UP I
spilled all over myself has completely dried. You can’t even see it anymore.
Alex Piliouras
I’m thankful for wine. I don’t really drink it, per se, but
putting two corks in your ears is the best remedy for any and all family dinner
conversations about who America needs to elect.
Ellen Sherman
I’m thankful for the
fat asian ladies at the YMCA who strip naked in the locker room and have full
fledged conversations….but really.
I’m thankful for the
morning dump that always seems to make you feel ten pounds lighter.
I’m thankful for my
grandma’s fruit salad that tastes like an explosion of orgasmic bananas in my
mouth.
And…
I’m thankful for my
cat, who is lying right next to me.
Alex Post
I’m thankful that I
am the prettiest person in my family and that people respect me for that rather
than my innate intellectual abilities and obvious humor. I am also thankful
that it wouldn’t be a family gathering if someone didn’t announce they had to
poop and lastly, that 30 Rock was not canceled and will be back on the air
January 12, 2012. Hallelujah!
Sarah Siegel
I’m thankful that the Colts haven’t won a game yet giving
them hope for the future of the franchise #suckforluck #firstroundpick
Hannah
I’m thankful that I only had to excuse myself from my
family’s annual thanksgiving brunch at the country club 4 times to vomit after
last night’s blackout.
Leah Folta
I’m thankful for the
90 percent of thanksgiving I’m allowed to spend sleeping.
Smalls
I’m thankful for my y chromosome, girls who put out on the
first night, and my 12 credits of nothing I’m taking next semester. Oh and for
strippers.
Alex Rosenthal
I am thankful for my body’s digestive system for putting up
with all the shit I put it through this year, particularly the fried Oreos from
the street fair, Blue Raspberry Mountain Dew, and all the Cheesy Gordita
Crunches from Taco Bell with extra salsa verde.
redgreenblue
I’m incredibly
thankful that my boobs haven’t started sagging yet even though I am fast
approaching the ripe old age of 22; that my liver hasn’t just said “fuck
this” and spontaneously combusted yet; and that my stash of vintage Four
Loko in my basement is starting to reach a prime market selling price. Most importantly,
I’m thankful that my parents still don’t know about this website. Happy
thanksgiving, kids!
Blake
I’m thankful for our good friend tom turkey roasting in the
oven, boxes of white grape games, and for all my relatives getting chocolatey
wasted off white wine.
Samantha Ruddy
I am thankful for
the panhandlers on Marshall St. Thanks to them, I haven’t had to worry about
keeping spare change anywhere since freshman year.
I am thankful for
Haven Hall for providing giants with a toilet since its inception.
I am thankful to
Penn State for handing its child abuse situation so offensively that Syracuse
will look good handling ours no matter what. #rioters
Jake
I’m thankful for never having been arrested.
R$
I’m thankful that
Joe Paterno was never the Cornell football coach.
Brian Weinreich
Dear Mr. Turkey, occupy my belly.
That last one from Brian really threw me off too. Anyway, we all hope you had a fun fat Thanksgiving and that your Uncle Louie laid off the gay jokes for at least a long enough time for you to maintain your sanity.
Love,
The Campus Basement Staff
