Standing just outside the Schine
Student Center, freshman Bridget Chu had had enough. Enough of the questions.
Enough of the concern. Enough of her parents. Her voice echoed all the way
through the quad as, at the top of her lungs, she shouted, “Would you leave


Shoutatus is a typical disease of
the incoming class, who have not yet acquainted themselves with the ways of the
Free Meal like their older peers. (While the sophomore begs her parents, “No,
don’t go yet, let’s hit up Pastabilities and then I need some things from
Wegmans!” the freshman, eager to be in the wild, pushes her parents away with
hateful words.)


In her defense, though, Chu’s
parents were being, “totally annoying,” saying things like, “Oh, this is a nice
building!” and “Bridget, are you sure you didn’t forget anything? Because if
you did we’ll mail it to you as soon as we can.” And other equally embarrassing
things. While these may seem like perfectly natural things to say, one must
take into account the tone of voice used by the Chu parents, as well as the
fact that they had attempted to reserve a room in the Sheraton straight through
September, just in case Bridget needed anything.


“I just needed them to leave,” said Chu, exasperated. “I love them and everything, but Jesus Christ, give me some
space or I’m going to kill you! We already finished our first week of classes
and they’re still here!”


Chu is not alone in feeling this
way. Studies show that 37% of freshmen students have Clingers for parents, 97%
of which yelled at their parents at one point to, “go the fuck away!” The
remaining 63% of the freshmen were divided into two other categories; 39% of
students had Moderates for parents, (parents who came, helped the student move
in, bought them dinner, and then left) while 24% of students had
Get-the-Fuck-Outs (parents who dropped the student off, threw their stuff to
the curb, and drove away as the pop of the champagne bottle echoed through the
streets of Syracuse).