On Tuesday, Aaron Barber ate dinner at Kimmel Dining Hall, just as he has done every Tuesday. But this Tuesday was different. After consuming his usual dinner, Aaron Barber ignored the advice of every paranoid mother in the universe: he went swimming ten minutes later and sank like a stone.

Witnesses say Barber entered Archbold Pool, made it just far enough to reach the deep end, and then plummeted to the bottom. “It was crazy,” says Will Feinberg, “he just sank so fast. I knew immediately that he either didn’t know how to swim, or else he had eaten and didn’t wait the appropriate 30 minutes to swim.”

Fortunately for Barber, lifeguard Kelly Simpson was on duty. She saw Barber sink and quickly dove into the pool, pulled him out, and performed CPR, rescuing him from a watery grave.

Once he regained consciousness, Barber spoke about the incident. “I had eaten my dinner, waited a few minutes, and then walked over to Archbold. I thought for sure it had been exactly 30 minutes when I started swimming, but I guess it could have been 29 or even 28. Those few minutes really make the difference between life and death.”

Mothers everywhere were seen crowding the streets to chants of, “Told you so!”