Dear Cuse Me Baby,
My
boyfriend and I were discussing our “numbers” the other day when he
told me that he’s only had sex with one girl. I’ve had sex with more
girls than that, and I consider myself someone who only has sex with
guys. I was worried about what he would think about my number, so I lied
and said it was a 2. That’s still more than him, which is basically the
same thing. Do you think I should tell him the truth?

Love,
Definitely Not a 2

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Dear >2,
Tell
him the truth. It’s just easier. Lies just delay the inevitable.
Secrets don’t do well on college campuses with internet access. He’s
gonna find out, and then he’s gonna have the opportunity to pull out
that classic zinger, “maybe I should be asking, who HAVEN’T you slept
with?!” Sitcom cliches don’t bode well for relationships, so just tell
him.

Honesty
is pretty much always the best policy. If you need to hide things from
your significant other, then the relationship probably isn’t going to
last anyway. Are you worried that he’ll think you’re a whore? He might,
but if so fuck him, he can go find some virgin somewhere and spend 2
weeks trying to fit it in.

In
case you haven’t noticed, there’s a big double standard here. If a guy
has a bunch of sex, he’s the man. Girls do it and they’re whores. Chicks
are expected to be pure and dirty (but just with me), innocent and good
in bed, modest and sexy all at the same time. It’s bullshit. Women are
allowed to do a bunch of stuff they shouldn’t be doing, like fighting in
the military, driving, and playing college basketball, but they’re not
allowed to have sex? If you’re trying to get your pussy wet, go get your
pussy wet. Assuming that’s what you actually want…

Now
that my bra is sufficiently burned, I have to ask. If you’re so worried
about your number, why are you sleeping with all these guys in the
first place? If you’ve simply got a voracious sexual appetite, then go
ahead and live it up. If you’re spreading your legs in the corner of
some sleazy frat basement in hopes that he’s gonna cuddle with you
afterwards, you might want to try a different strategy.

It’s
important to realize that when we get to college we enter the
no-touch-zone of the grownup world for the first time. For 18 years we
cringed every time mom or dad gave us a big smooch, but physical contact
is actually really important. Humans get depressed without it, but in
the real world affection is so weird a “free hugs” sign can get a
billion views on Youtube. Our bodies get so starved for contact, we look
for any type of socially acceptable way to get it. That’s why freshman
guys wrestle and sorority girls pillow fight topless (that happens,
right?). But more importantly, it’s also why some of us start fucking
everything under the sun when all we really want is a hug.

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Send your questions to: cusemebaby@cusemycampus.com

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