Last week, The Daily Orange reported that Zach Tomaselli,
the third man to accuse Bernie Fine of molestation, had doctored emails that
called his father a “liar” and mentioned proof of his presence in Pittsburgh.
According to The Daily Orange, a big hint that the emails had been forged was
the misspelling of SPD Detective Clark Farry’s name in his signature, which
Tomaselli spelled “Clarke.” According to Tomaselli, he falsified the emails in
order to gain credibility.
On Monday, though, Tomaselli admitted that “everything [he
says] is a lie. Even this very sentence is a lie. Don’t believe a word of it.”
Now, the Syracuse Police Department and the U.S. Attorney’s
office are completely uncertain of how to proceed.
“I’ve read about things like this, sentences that are
inherently paradoxical,” said Assistant U.S. Attorney Joseph D’Aglio. “You
know, “This sentence is false,’ stuff like that. The problem is, no one ever
told me how to solve those paradoxes in real life.”
“This is a real pickle.”
The Syracuse Police Department is now looking through all
statements by Tomaselli on and off the record in an attempt to discover a
pattern.
“Tomaselli alleges that Fine abused him in a Pittsburgh
hotel room in 2002,” said Sgt. Ben Connelly. “So now we have to look at all the
factors that could be a lie. Was it in Pittsburgh? Was it 2002? Is Tomaselli really a “him?’ Or is that
entire accusation an Opposite-Day Scenario, like “I abused Bernie Fine outside
an Albuquerque car in 1001?'”
“This is gonna take a while,” said Connelly.
When asked for a comment on what he meant by this newest
statement, Tomaselli simply posed the question, “A man is walking down a road
when he is greeted by an elderly man at a fork. The fork leads to two villages,
one a truth-telling village, the other a village of lies. What is the one
question you can ask the elderly man to get to the village of truth?”
SPD officials could not be reached for comment. Sources say
they’re hard at work trying to decipher this latest cryptographic statement by
Tomaselli.
