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Bird Library
Demographics
How the evil universe views college students
Dear non-seniors, It has come to our attention that the most recently graduating class of 2012 did not pay enough for college. While most SU students spent approximately $200,000 on their education, we now deem this is not enough. (Which honestly surprised us – we originally anticipated that charging students roughly $20 per meal at... MORE »
How to Use a Campus Computer During Finals Week
It’s 6:42 AM. Finals week. You’ve taken enough Adderall to cure yourself of that annoying sitting still habit you used to have. You haven’t slept in 39 hours. You haven’t had sex in 32 hours. You’ve watched so much porn to distract yourself from this 20-page paper that’s due in less than four hours that... MORE »
Occupy Library: Freshman Edition
A dark cloud is looming over the Syracuse University campus. A storm is coming, and its name is finals. Well, the storm actually prefers to be called Helga, but that’s neither here nor there. It’s also a metaphorical storm because it hasn’t snowed in Syracuse yet. Sophomores, juniors, and seniors have experienced the wrath of... MORE »
Bathrooms in SU
Sometimes it’s nice to help your fellow SU colleague out, to help them in their time of need. So I channeled my inner George Costanza and compiled a list of the three best and worst bathrooms on campus. When compiling this list I took a lot of factors into account, the number of toilets, amount... MORE »
SU Alumni Author Will Tell You How To Fail!
Forget those self-help guides, Aaron Goldfarb wants to tell you how to epically fail. Aaron is an SU alum, class of 2001, and he’s coming back to ‘Cuse this weekend with his satirical novel about misadventures, misgivings, and massive mistakes. With hilarious chapters such as How to Fail to Make Your Parents Proud of You,... MORE »
The Rappin’ Librarians
You know what a librarian is … or do you? Librarians do much more than shelve (many libraries hire volunteers or pages for that), and they need a master’s degree to get most job positions. So why do librarians need master’s degrees? A group of Syracuse iSchool students has the answer …. MORE »
Shaw 3rd Floor Bathroom Mirror No Longer Reflective
The men’s bathroom mirror in Shaw Hall has apparently lost all reflectivity. Rest assured, FixIt is on it and DPS already has a suspect list of who may have committed the heinous crime. MORE »
How do you try to stay safe on campus?
Annonymous postings in the Bathroom in Haven MORE »
How To Grow An Orange
Sean Keeley of Troy Nunes Is An Absolute Magician has published a book titled How To Grow An Orange: The Right Way To Brainwash Your Child Into Becoming A Syracuse Fan. Now, arguably the longest title I have ever seen, I will admit the book is hilariously awesome. The book covers a bunch of SU sports... MORE »
An Undecided’s Guide for Choosing a Major
Major Insights: this is the ultimate abridged guide to choosing a major at Syracuse University. Please take the imparted wisdom with a grain of salt, a lemon and a shot of tequila. Philosophy: Do you want to be a philosopher when you grow up? Then this is definitely, definitely the major for you. Because the... MORE »
4 AM Encounters: Letter to DPS
Dear DPS, What do you guys do anyway? I mean, besides stand around guarding our Mayfest from non-existent potential intruders…? I really don’t understand it when I call at 4am needing an escort to South Campus, and you tell me that you CAN’T drive me there, but you CAN drive me to College Place where... MORE »
SU is Hogwarts
Note: These were not randomly assigned. They were carefully chosen based on the characteristics of the student body of each school. The Sorting Hat doesn’t lie. Don’t believe me? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hogwarts#Houses MORE »
Student suffers hypothermia, DPS under investigation for negligence
THE MOST DEPRESSING PLACE EVER, BUMBLEFUCK— Syracuse University student Chris Davis was hospitalized due to hypothermia brought on by exposure to freezing temperatures Sunday morning while walking back to his apartment because the Department of Public Safety refused to offer transportation. At about 2 p.m. Monday afternoon, the Syracuse Police Department received a call from... MORE »
A Very Scientific Study on the Most Effective Methods to Target Motor Coordination & Cognitive Ability on Campus
Subtitle- (read: How to Get Exercise at SU) Doing LaundryTargets: Back, Abs, Ability to distinguish and categorize colorsDifficulty Level: SU GirlsIncrease Intensity by: Folding it Flint/Day Hall StairsTargets: Butt, Legs, Thighs, Your soulDifficulty Level: Giving BirthIncrease Intensity by: Dragging your wasted roommate up with you at 4 a.m. Opening Glass Doors at SchineTargets: Biceps, Triceps,... MORE »
Ownage
Dear Person Who Cheated Off Of Me Today, First off, you shouldn’t assume that I’m a reliable source for answers (or that I’ll be passive about you using me) just because I’m Asian. Yeah, that’s right. I saw you eye me down right before you carefully chose your seat and moved EXTREMELY close to me... MORE »
Like, Like, You Know What I Mean?
No, I don’t. MORE »