So
it turns out, the SU community has some questions for the people at
CuseMyCampus. And since CMC is too prude to answer those questions, they
asked me to handle it. My answers may not shoot a rainbow off the
screen and into your gut, and you may feel offended to the extreme. But
sometimes, the truth just takes that rainbow and shoves it up your ass.
Deal with it.

Dear “Cuse” My “Campus,”
I
found some REALLY fucked up porn on my boyfriend’s computer. I can’t
even describe it. It was horrifying. Is this what he finds SEXY!?!?!?
This might be a deal breaker.

Much Love,
Grossed Out

———————————

Dear Grossed Out,
I
know this is shocking for you, but believe me, it’s probably not as bad
as you think it is. One of the unexpected consequences of the internet
age has been the desensitization of pubescent boys to hardcore porn. My
family got real internet when I was about 17, so that means I went
through early puberty the same way men have for generations, with the
Macy’s lingerie section, stolen Playboys, and memories of my hot gym
teacher’s ass. This is no longer the case for guys 2 or 3 years younger
than me, which I’m going to assume your boyfriend is.

13 year-olds with high speed internet trade FHM for FarmSluts.com, and
you’re witnessing the results. Imagine that same shock and fear you
experienced at the sight of you boyfriend’s collection, but add a
healthy serving of arousal and guilt, and you’ve got one traumatized
little Jimmy Smith.

I
experienced the build up: bra, boob, va-jay-jay, normal sex, anal sex, 2
on 1, 3 on 1, small mammals, and then eventually I got to the point
where most guys are nowadays, where nothing can shock us. Kids who grew
up with the internet had no build up, and that’s why your boyfriend
can’t wank off unless the girl onscreen is within an inch of her life.

Even
still, I don’t think this is a good reason to leave him. No matter
what, it’s still just porn. I say as long as he can have sex without
beating you within an inch of your life, let him jerk off however he
wants. But conversely, if you can’t look at him without thinking about Granny Fuckers 3, go ahead and dump his ass.

Remember,
this could all be easily avoided. Dude, just clear your history.
Actually, why the hell are you snooping around on his computer in the
first place? Don’t stick your nose where it doesn’t belong and then
complain when you get some combination of blood, semen, and rhino feces
on it.

I’m
usually a proponent of brutal 100% honesty, but this is an exception.
Girlfriends are best kept in the dark about this stuff. It’s just easier
for everyone. Guys, make sure your girl never catches you watching a chick get
her colon sucked out with a penis pump, looking at ass eels(I blame the nuclear fallout), or jerkin’ it as a Miley Cyrus look-alike
girates to the rhythm of “Party in the USA”).

——————————————

Send your questions to: cusemebaby@cusemycampus.com

SEE MORE » , , ,