We get a lot of questions, and people have been asking me why their questions haven’t been answered. Honestly, the questions I pick depend more on my areas of expertise and less on the actual question. Anyway, I decided to dedicate this week to some of the questions that didn’t deserve real answers.


I have a problem. Sometimes when I sit down to go to the bathroom, the tip of my penis dips into the water. It’s really gross. What should I do?

Never complain about getting your dick wet. PS, fuck you and your circus freak penis.

Last night I kissed a girl and liked it lol. No but seriously, at a party yesterday this girl just grabbed my face and went to town and I didn’t stop her (oh yea, I’m a girl). Is that normal? She was kinda cute and really drunk so I thought it was okay, but I’m confused now because I didn’t totally hate it. Can you give me any advice?
Yours 4ever,
Cherry Chapstick

Ugh. You didn’t like it. You liked the attention from the crowd of frat guys chanting “lesbians!” at you. “Guys! Look at me! I’m kissing another girl! You think this is hot right?” Stop. Go learn to be interesting and stop molding your life after some talentless attention whore. lol.

Cuse Me Baby [she used my real name], why didn’t you ever call me back?
-Hot Mama

1. How did you figure out that I write this?
2. I didn’t call you because I had a feeling you were a crazy stalker.
3. Apparently I was right.

My boyfriend can never last more than like 2 or 3 minutes. Advice?
-Never Satisfied

Keep your condoms in the microwave. It will endow his dick with glowing nuclear super powers. You’ll feel like an A-bomb went off in your vagina, plus he’ll never have to take the bus. He can just sling webs like Spiderman and and swing from building to building.

Me and my roommate have been living together all four years of school and want to move to Boston and continue living together, but I really don’t want to get stuck in a common law gay marriage. Can that happen?
-Loop “Holes”

Hahahaha, maybe. I don’t know.

If Miley Cyrus put the wig on halfway through, would that be considered a threesome?
-She’s Legal in NY, I Think

Yes. Absolutely.

Have you noticed that there are no fat guys at SU? Pretty much all the girls have an extra 20 pounds, and the ones that are in shape have awful bleach jobs that make them look like prostitutes. Why do we put up with this?

Fuck the guys if you think they’re so hot.


Send your questions to cusemebaby@cusemycampus.com