Tuesday: Delighted university officials announced that WUSTL
has made yet another publicized top ten list: “Top Ten Schools That Have Made
Nearly Every Top Ten List Except The List of Top Ten Schools.”
Previous
top ten spots include “Top Ten Friendliest Campuses,” “Top Ten Campuses with
Renowned Cement Architecture,” “Top Ten Research Institutions,” “Top Ten
Campuses with Overcommitted Students,” and, of course, “Top Ten Campuses with
Renowned Cement Architecture.” As
the university nears making ten top ten lists, which is basically the
equivalent of being a top ten school, the faculty and staff continue to
celebrate the school’s achievements.
“We
are so honored. We know our school’s reputation. Now everyone else can too!”
exclaimed a high-up position in the faculty.
“Personally,
I’m pretty excited by this news because I really enjoy drowning in the
ever-increasing pool of applicants that come with Wash U’s growing legitimacy.
This will become, like, what? A hundred more applications? Five hundred? Oh
goody. More popularity for the school. More common apps to read. No more life.
Hooray,” an admissions officer cheered.
The
campus celebrated by sending out a mailing to all past, present, and
prospective students, as well as putting red solo cups in Whispers next to the
water dispenser. [Editor’s note: There was only one solo cup next to the water
dispenser in Whispers”¦and it wasn’t filled with water.]
