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Obama Seeks to End Ban on Illegal Immigrants in Military
The Obama administration met with the Pentagon last Friday to discuss the implications of overturning the current ban on undocumented immigrants serving in the military. Defense Secretary Leon Panetta supports the measure, saying, “Let’s celebrate our rich diversity and renew our nation’s commitment to equality for all.” Many strong, eager patriots have not enlisted in... MORE »
Product Review: The Newly-Resurrected Astro Pop
Astro Pops, the classic conical suckers with fruity, tricolor tiers, are back on the market after an eight-year hiatus. With Tricks and Treats Night fast approaching, my research assistant from Phi Beta Kappa sorority house volunteered to test the newly-returned candies with me. Food scientists designed Astro Pops to be poured directly into a plastic... MORE »
Facebook Timeline is Publicly Displaying Private Notes
Due to a suspected recent tech glitch, a number of Facebook users have begun seeing private messages from years ago published on their Timelines for all to see. (Editor’s note: The controversial new Facebook Timeline design allows users to browse a profile’s history by year. When users click on a year, Facebook displays all the... MORE »
Study Finds Surprising Cause of Weight Gain
by guest writer Kurt Steiner A new study from the Foundation for Medical Research (FMR) identifies a previously overlooked symptom of weight gain to be a possible cause of the malady. The suspect? Oversized pants. According to Dr. Jack Wyman, the lead scientist for the study, “A whopping 72% of those who had serious weight... MORE »
NYC Board of Health Declares War on Cups
Approximately 600 million large cups are destined for NYC dumpsters after the city’s Board of Health unanimously approved a ban on large sodas and soft drinks at restaurants, food carts and movie theaters. The ban, championed by Mayor Bloomberg in an effort to curb obesity rates, will not affect dairy beverages, alcoholic potations, juice, or... MORE »
Romney Says Obama is Anti-Christ
In a shocking revelation, former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney suggested that President Obama has purged God from his heart, citing Obama’s last minute request to reinsert ‘God’ into the platform at the DNC convention after it had been removed. Progressive blogger and Unitarian Pastor Kimberly Blume-Jackson rebutted, “How dare Romney or anyone else say the... MORE »
Student Goes Through Complicated Procedure to Purchase Vending Machine Item
Angie Malone was pulling an all-nighter in Bird Library — her proposal for IST 659 was due at 5 PM the next day — and it came to the point where her hunger pangs made it impossible to concentrate. A vegan, she was drawn to the $0.85 Swedish Fish offered in a nearby vending machine.... MORE »
Pages Affiliates Brokenhearted Over Cafe’s Planned Menu Redesign
Since its grand opening in 1953, Pages patrons could stand in line and ponder their lunch or breakfast choice while viewing a rotating display of options on a TV screen. This screen continues to be a fixture of Pages to this very day. “We were pioneers then,” cafe founder Ansel Whitmore reminisced, “We had the... MORE »
International Student Inquires About Christmas Day Internet Access
Shuodong Du, a first year graduate student in the iSchool’s Information Management program, was visibly concerned when he stopped by the Bird Library reference desk last Thursday. After checking the library’s hours online, he was flabbergasted upon learning that the library would be closed for all of Christmas Day 2010. “I have my own laptop,... MORE »