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On Saturday, March 3rd, Lindsay Lohan debuted her new inflatable face on Saturday Night Live, scaring children, parole officers, and Aaron Samuelsez across this great nation. In equally exciting news, March 3rd brought with it the announcement that President Barack Obama will be speaking at Barnard College, the most prestigious of all female colleges barring Rupaul’s... MORE »
The National Society for Line Waiting announced this week that due to the overwhelming amount of students who have been forming lines to get tickets to events such as President Obama’s speech last week and Billy Joel’s Q&A in March, the University of Miami would have the honor of hosting the annual “International Waiting-In-Line-Symposium.” The prestigious event features all... MORE »
Shortly before President Obama was elected into office the nation was racked with fear that he might be of the Islamic faith. Now, with the 2012 election looming, it appears that Obama’s religion will be questioned once more. What voters need to know, however, is that there are more pressing issues regarding Obama that must... MORE »
Ann Arbor, Michigan – On Wednesday night thousands of students lined up outside of the Union to have a chance to get a ticket for “Remarks by President Obama,” despite the excruciatingly boring name. While some students couldn’t fathom the existence of times with only three digits (“You mean 17:00 AM, right?), let alone getting... MORE »
PART DEUX: SHIT GETS LITERARY The bathroom is a dirty place. Not just in the “you-live-with-three-girls-so-there-is-a-troll-head-of-hair-growing-from-the-drain” kind of way, but also in the “have-sex-hanging-from-the-shower-curtain-rod” kind of way. Taking both of these into consideration, I have found the latest inSTALLment of STRWSAS: Sea Oak by George Saunders. Now I know what some of you may be... MORE »
Court upholds USC’s trademark of interlocking SC logo, South Carolina’s trademark rejected : The judge defends his decision ““ “you try saying “Gamecock’ with a straight face.” Chik Fil A opens near campus : Spicy chicken deluxe experience declared necessary, religious. Unfortunately, I continue to be incapable of walking past Chipotle NCAA violations, sanctions, ban : Too soon. July... MORE »