A recent study shows that 100% of students enrolled in SUNY College of Environmental Science and Forestry are anti-vegetarian, or meatatarian. This means that they will never, under any circumstances, eat a product that is growing from the earth. No lettuce, no tomatoes, nothing but meat and fish.

“Most times,” says ESF student Erik Shelby, “I order a burger whenever I go out to eat. But I have to make sure they don’t put lettuce or tomato or anything on it. That’s vegetable cruelty!”

Other ESF students are also advocating for a stop to vegetable cruelty. Miranda Fellows, another ESF student, says, “Vegetables are living creatures. The next time you think about ordering a salad, think about how they ripped that head of lettuce right out of the ground, without thinking about its family or friends. Then maybe you’ll reconsider your dining choice, and maybe order a burger or a steak instead.”

Vegetarian students across campus are banding together to try to put a stop to the anti-vegetarian sentiment growing in the ESF community. “They’re being ridiculous,” says vegetarian student Meghan Sullivan. “Vegetables don’t feel pain, cows and chickens do. It just doesn’t make any sense.”

Maybe not. Or maybe neither of these two groups has tried eating a steak, mashed potatoes, and a side salad. It’s delicious.