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Alpha Sigma Sigma Builds Coat Room, Becomes Top Frat on Campus
In a recent poll conducted by the MU Greek System, Alpha Sigma Sigma, Mizzou’s formerly lowest-ranked fraternity by female students, has recently been rated “Top House on Campus.” Though experts are citing a number of reasons for the rankings upset, female students asked about their sudden change in heart towards the fraternity, nearly all mentioned... MORE »
The Story of Syllabus Week
Syllabus Week, known as the “Festival of Natty Lights” to many, will soon be upon us once more. Though widely celebrate by most college students, there are many who have forgotten the true meaning of the weeklong celebration. To remind us why we celebrate Syllabus Week, we have decided to retell the story of how... MORE »
Fraternity refuses to suspend uranium enrichment program despite sanctions
Another round of negotiations fell through between the Tau Kappa Chi (TKX) Fraternity and the United Nations concerning TKX’s uranium enrichment program Wednesday. This most recent round of negotiations appears to be the last as neither side is willing to make concessions. The fraternity and the UN have been in talks since UN weapons... MORE »
With Parents Away for Weekend, Fraternity Brothers Decide to Throw Party
On Saturday night, brothers of Phi Alpha Mu devised a scheme to throw a house party, while their parents spent the weekend at a resort in Cancun. Despite the parents’ numerous requests to “keep the house clean” and “not open the door for any strangers,” the Phi Alpha Mu brothers admitted over 200 guests into... MORE »
Upbeat Pop Song About Partying is a Huge Hit With Young People
BREAKING: A song centralized around partying, drinking alcoholic beverages, and generally having a good time has proven to be a massive chart-topping pop hit this week. The catchy tune was written and sung by a popular artist who has already had at least one or two Top 40 hits covering similar subject matter. The new... MORE »
Skorton and Bloomberg to Host Party at Level B
With convocation finished, and students off with their families and friends enjoying the moment, it’s time for the big guys to have fun. Tonight, at Level B, President David J. Skorton and convocation speaker and New York City mayor Michael Bloomberg will be hosting an invite-only dance party. The party was not supposed to be... MORE »
“Expert’s Research” Reveals Key to Guaranteed Hookups
We’ve all had hook ups, (or at least now we’re all in agreement that I’m cool enough to have had them) but recent studies tell us these hookups commence for reasons outside of what conventional wisdom, and common sense, would have us believe. According to research conducted by young men all across the country, being... MORE »
Jesus Misses Easter, Too Hungover
After 3 straight days of partying, Jesus Christ, 33, awoke yesterday on April 8 to realize something awful – he had missed Easter. “I literally remember nothing about the past 3 days,” Jesus said to our crack-investigative team. “And then I woke up yesterday with the worst Dad-damn headache I’ve ever had... MORE »