On Saturday night, brothers of Phi Alpha Mu devised a scheme to throw a house party, while their parents spent the weekend at a resort in Cancun. Despite the parents’ numerous requests to “keep the house clean” and “not open the door for any strangers,” the Phi Alpha Mu brothers admitted over 200 guests into their 18-bedroom house. “We’re definitely gonna become the coolest kids in school after this wild party,” brother Jose Valentin ’14 said. “So many people were hooking up!”

“Not in Mom and Dad’s room of course, because we made sure to lock it,” he added.

The brothers spent all of Saturday afternoon transforming their living room into a make-shift dance-floor, and preparing the dining room table for beer pong. They even ordered a keg, which was placed in the family’s two-car garage.

“Finally! A party without any parental supervision” said a borderline-tipsy partygoer who requested anonymity, lest her parents find out that she snuck out past her curfew.

Brandon Dupree ‘13, the oldest of the Phi Alpha Mu brothers, was left in charge of the 36 person household. He was instructed to help his younger brothers with their schoolwork and make sure that they get to bed before 10pm.

“When Mom and Dad left, Brandon turned into a real jerk,” said younger brother Joey Brown ’15, “He told us to start calling him ‘master’ and then started slapping our asses with a wooden paddle.”

“Im definitely gonna tell on him as soon as…” he continued, before noticing a paddle-wielding Dupree lurking in the bedroom window.

“Thankfully, grandma didn’t stop by to check on us while our parents were away,” noted brother Danny Collins ’14. “Otherwise, we all would’ve been grounded till atleast fall semester.”

As of press time, the brothers were last seen frantically picking up Solo Cups strewn across the front yard in time for their parent’s return home.

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