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Article by Alex Rosenthal
March 10, 2010

Student Ridiculed For Taking Dorm Elevator To Second Floor

Eye rolls, angry groans, and sighs of frustration echoed through the corridors of Day Hall yesterday, when freshman gender studies major Martha Sheldon had the audacity to take the elevator to the second floor amidst the company of six other dorm residents who lived on higher floors. The additional stop on the second floor, which... MORE »

Article by Pat McGuinness
March 9, 2010

Freshman Student Makes Spectacle of Self

Any sense of order came to a grinding halt this morning when freshmen Ryan Peppitino’s empty plastic cup echoed through the walls of Ernie Davis Dining Hall when the student tried to fill his cup with Diet Pepsi. The cup had plunged to the floor when Peppitino’s unwieldy hands inadvertently knocked the cup from the... MORE »

Picture by Anonymous
March 9, 2010

A Gingers Mistake

Our ginger roommate farted on our friend while getting the back of his hair trimmed. This was his apology letter. Our friend is yet to accept leaving the ginger sad and lonely. MORE »

Article by Kevin Slack
March 8, 2010

Dorm Package Hours

Syracuse University was thrown into crisis Thursday. Students and faculty alike fled to the city limits as an enormous fault line opened up, shooting fire and brimstone into the air. Frogs rained down from the sky and the dead rose from their resting places in nearby Oakwood Cemetery to rule as necromancers over the stricken... MORE »

Article by Alex Rosenthal
March 1, 2010

FixIt Employee Requested By Student To Open Pouch Of Capri Sun

Syracuse University’s highly regarded maintenance organization, FixIt, is usually accustomed to performing routine repair and cleaning jobs for students such as replacing light bulbs around campus or powerwashing vomit off the carpets of dormitory common rooms. But Tuesday at approximately 3:00pm, Helen Graham, a 20-year veteran FixIt employee, received a call and was unexpectedly met... MORE »

Article by Piliour
February 23, 2010

You Can’t Spell “Liar” Without “RA”…Backwards

Orientation week can be a scary thing as a freshman at SU. You’re in a new environment, and your mind is ripe for the molding. This is exactly why RA’s take this opportunity to lie to your face, spouting off nonsense about things you will and will not be experiencing for the next four years.... MORE »

Article by Ice Queen
February 18, 2010

A Very Scientific Study on the Most Effective Methods to Target Motor Coordination & Cognitive Ability on Campus

Subtitle- (read: How to Get Exercise at SU) Doing LaundryTargets: Back, Abs, Ability to distinguish and categorize colorsDifficulty Level: SU GirlsIncrease Intensity by: Folding it Flint/Day Hall StairsTargets: Butt, Legs, Thighs, Your soulDifficulty Level: Giving BirthIncrease Intensity by: Dragging your wasted roommate up with you at 4 a.m. Opening Glass Doors at SchineTargets: Biceps, Triceps,... MORE »