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Pat McGuinness
SU Bus Makes Pit Stop, Rescues Town From Recession
CLARKS SUMMIT, PA”” A small Pennsylvania town came out of a recession yesterday when a bus carrying fifty-two SU students made a surprise pit stop at the towns local Wendy’s franchise. The students were returning from a class trip at New York’s Metropolitan Museum of Art when driver, John Healy of Dewitt, NY, requested for... MORE »
Freshman Student Makes Spectacle of Self
Any sense of order came to a grinding halt this morning when freshmen Ryan Peppitino’s empty plastic cup echoed through the walls of Ernie Davis Dining Hall when the student tried to fill his cup with Diet Pepsi. The cup had plunged to the floor when Peppitino’s unwieldy hands inadvertently knocked the cup from the... MORE »
Otto the Orange Helps Ban Oranges From SU Dining Halls
University officials called for the removal of all citrus fruits and juices from dining halls after Otto the Orange gave a tearful reminder of the slaughtering and mistreatment of oranges worldwide. Unable to hold back his freshly squeezed citrusy tears at a press conference Tuesday, Otto made it a mission to end human consumption of... MORE »
Newhouse III Inspires Cheaters Across Campus
After professor Mary Johnson’s Public Policy students found themselves stuck on a short answer question where they had to list the five rights guaranteed under the First Amendment, many of her students found the answer spelt out over Newhouse III. Brendan Margolies a sophomore Public Policy major was sitting at his desk in Crouse Hinds... MORE »