SA Funds Invisible Man

This semester, SA decided once again to deny funding to most groups. They did, however, fund one group’s proposition to bring The Invisible Man (featured in photo) to campus for a one-hour performance.

On Monday, many groups showed up to the budget hearing to attempt to convince SA one last time to give funding to their respective clubs, but to no avail. SA stated, “We have already allotted most of the budget to an anonymous group that wants to bring in one of the hottest acts in the world: the Invisible Man.”

Andrew O’Malley, upon hearing of the Student Association’s decision, was appalled, claiming, “I asked for five dollars so we could have new pencils for our club. But instead they funded an invisible man. You can’t even see him! How will we know if he even shows up!! Meanwhile, my club has had three people pass out in the last month because we’re writing memos with our own blood!”

The Student Association, however, defends its decision in providing funding to the group proposing the Invisible Man, claiming that they were the only group to complete the required paperwork in the manner that SA approves. “It doesn’t so much matter what you’re proposing,” said one SA representative, “just that you can fill out the paperwork correctly. Forge the receipts, signatures, whatever, just get the paperwork done as efficiently as possible. Hell, you don’t even have to go through with the performance or whatever. Just keep the money. We don’t need it.”

The Invisible Man is set to perform in Goldstein Auditorium early next semester. SA has also agreed to fund the anonymous group’s opening act: Jamie Dimon.