SA has announced that they will be sponsoring their own version of Mayfest, in an attempt to revive the holiday that SU is trying to ban. Their Mayfest will not take place on Euclid, which means”¦IT ISN’T MAYFEST! While it remains to be seen what will ACTUALLY occur on this fraudulent Mayfest, and WHERE it will occur, here are some things that we think will happen.

“¢ They will serve non-alcoholic beer for the low, low price of $9 each

“¢ They will host riveting games of water pong, also for $9 per game

“¢ Countless SA reps will stop by to make you feel guilty about EVER drinking beer

“¢ DPS will send out thousands of e-mails reminding you that alcohol WILL KILL YOU

“¢ Gin buckets will be replaced with lemonade, sold for $0.50 per sip

“¢ There will be an entry fee of $20 per minute spent

“¢ All participants in SA Mayfest (henceforth known as SAFest) will be required to also participate in SU Showcase

“¢ All participants in SU Showcase will have to pay SA $50 in order to be considered (with no guarantee of entry)

“¢ All participants in SAFest must sign up for the Chase Bank Credit Card sponsored by Jamie Dimon

“¢ All proceeds from SAFest will be used by SA to fund SU Clubs

“¢ SA will deny clubs funding unless they pay SA a $100 club fee

“¢ SA will not make a cent from SAFEst because everyone will be at the REAL MAYFEST ON EUCLID ON TUESDAY, APRIL 20TH