The Syracuse University Cross Country team was honored at halftime of a recent men’s basketball game for apparently doing well in some sort of running competition, although no one seemed to care. The ceremony was missed by the vast majority of those in attendance, who were off getting more beer and nachos, and was met with mostly confusion from the remaining fans.
“Since when do we have a cross country team?” asked bewildered senior Kendra Johnson. “I assumed it was just basketball, football and lacrosse.”
Apparently Johnson wasn’t the only one confused by the spectacle. “Who are all those scrawny kids out on the court?” inquired Andrew McSullivan. “Can someone tell them to move? They’re blocking my view of the dance team.”
Yes, it appears that the Syracuse community remains in the dark about the Orange XC team, an astonishing statement considering the vast success of the program. SU recently turned in a downright dominant 14th-place finish at nationals, earning their well-deserved recognition.
“Any time you finish 14th, it’s certainly a cause for celebration,” exclaimed coach Chris Fox. “We were considering holding a parade, but were worried that our fans wouldn’t be able to keep up.”
The runners themselves appeared uncomfortable with the entire situation. “I’ve been running from social interactions my whole life,” said sophomore Jeffrey Long, “I can’t handle all these people looking at me!” Long then proceeded to break down in tears and take off at a dead sprint towards the exits.
And no one noticed.
