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CONGRATULATIONS FACEBOOK USERS
By Making Your Profile Pictures '90s Cartoons, You've Ended Child Abuse Forever!
Syracuse students are HAPPY
This is Syracuse University’s edition of Pharrell’s “Happy”! The happiest students and staff took a break from the “Finals Week blues” and joined the Happy Team as we spread happiness all over campus. Thank you to each and every one of you who happily danced to lift our peers’ spirits. You are loved. MORE »
Syracuse student claims to be Hannah Montana
Sophomore PR major, Hannah Melton, claims to be the real Hannah Montana after getting her wisdom teeth removed. Has the real Hannah Montana been walking among us at Syracuse? MORE »
Boeheim Shits on Podium After Georgetown Loss
Syracuse head coach Jim Boeheim walked to the postgame press conference podium after his reeling team’s 61-39 embarrassment at No. 5 Georgetown Saturday, undid his pants, dropped a steaming, rancid turd just below the microphone, and walked out. “You want an opening statement?” An irate Boeheim asked as he undid his belt. “Here’s my... MORE »
Pope resigns, realizes there is no God after hearing Pauly D will be playing at Syracuse University
Catholics around the world were shocked to hear that Pope Benedict XVI had resigned from his position as “THE CLOSEST PERSON TO GOD ON EARTH.” He tells sources at Campus Basement that the departure comes from fatigue, old age, and University Union’s Winter Carnival line-up. “They were hyping the students up, saying, ‘oh get ready,... MORE »
30 Rock and other shows insult Syracuse, must be destroyed
Tina Fey’s long running show, 30 Rock, will be airing its hour-long series finale tonight at 8/7 central on NBC. Let it be known that this was not Fey’s decision to end the show- it was the higher power of Syracuse University. Fey’s character, Liz Lemon, is the head writer of a variety show starring... MORE »
Phone Screenshots Officially Confirm Syracuse is Coldest Place Ever
Syracuse University students posted hundreds of smart phone screenshots of the city’s weather to social media in the past three days, officially confirming the city is “literally, like, THE coldest place ever.” The sheer number of screenshots showing temperatures that ranged from -65 degrees Celsius to 10 degrees Fahrenheit alarmed scientists, who quickly confirmed the... MORE »
The Differences Between Fall and Spring Semester
Welcome back to Syracuse everybody! You may be wondering what’s so different about this semester than the last, so we here at Campus Basement are proud to present our comparative guide to help you transition into the new semester. MORE »
Hockey’s Back! …and there was much rejoicing
I woke up today thinking it would be any regular Sunday: completely naked, my head laying over the side of my bed, desperately trying to avoid the sunrise shining through the pathetic excuse for curtains and onto my face. But then I saw the news, that glorious and long-awaited news, that the NHL lockout has... MORE »
TV Titan Turned Professor Gives Bad Grades for Informative Class
SANTA MONICA, CA – When Christian Boliviar was getting ready for the Syracuse University in Hollywood semester, he was excited for a lot of things. But one thing stood out above all the rest: “Frank Goldman was teaching us, how couldn’t you be excited? He’s a big shot. Yeah, practically no one our age has... MORE »
Professional Athletes Blame “Magical Jersey Wearing Teens” for Personal Scandals
NEW YORK, NEW YORK – For decades, athletes have blamed drugs, alcohol, and money for their problems. But athletes revealed their newest scapegoat yesterday- teenagers wearing a magical jersey. The announcement was made during a press conference arranged and attended by Lebron James, Tiger Woods, and Brett Favre. The three claimed that during the times... MORE »
TLC Adds Shows Featuring Weirdoes to Make Palin Seem Normal
We hope you like your crazies, because TLC is bringing them to a television near you. After finding success with 19 and Counting and Sister Wives, TLC has ordered ten more reality pilots in hopes to make Sarah Palin seem more normal. Palin’s contract specifically states that if the network fails to make her appear... MORE »
The Easy Mac
In Order to Make Mac N’ Cheese You Need to Spill Some Milk (Edited by Eric Zeleznik) MORE »
The “Wild” the Guilty and the “Buffalo” Shuffle
FBI Officials have released information that restaurant chain “Buffalo Wild Wings” has been indicted on charges of fixing professional sports games in at least three major leagues. For the past three years, “Wild Wings” has been using its resources to prevent games from ending early and pushing them into overtime or extra innings. Elongating games... MORE »