Syracuse University Football may have gotten the boost it so desperately needs, as the team announced the signing of quarterback Jimmie Harrison early Tuesday morning. Harrison, a senior at Wilson High in Amarillo, Texas, exploded on to the national radar during his senior season, leading Wilson to the Class L state championship while shattering the state records for passing yards, TDs and completion percentage along the way.
For a team with such a rich football history, the Orange have fallen on tough times lately, failing to appear in a postseason game since their 51-14 loss to Georgia Tech in the 2004 Champs Sports Bowl. Understandably, Orange country is bustling since the signing of Harrison, who is already being anointed as the savior of the program before he has even stepped foot on campus.
But what made Harrison, heavily recruited by Texas, Oklahoma and Florida among others, choose the Orange, who were not even on his list of considerations as late as a month ago? It appears coach Doug Marrone has employed a new, albeit unorthodox tactic into his recruiting repertoire. It’s called Chatroulette. For those unfamiliar, Chatroulette is the newest internet phenomenon, allowing anyone armed with a webcam to video chat with random strangers from across the world.
As you might imagine, a site that offers uncensored video with strangers comes with it’s drawbacks. Anyone offended by the sight of large, hairy men masturbating should be advised that the site is probably not for them. Fortunately, for roughly every 35 penises you see, you get a chance to catch a glimpse of a mildly attractive female user. If you play your cards right, this female may even show you her breasts. Slip up even the tiniest bit though, and you’ll be nexted almost immediately. Trust me. I have a friend that goes on the site all the time.
When asked what made him turn to the site for recruiting purpose, Marrone said, “Well, you know, I just like to keep up with all the latest social networking stuff. You have to go where the kids are going. It’s a great way to, uh, find hidden talent, if you will.”
Marrone admitted to spending hours at a time on Chatroulette, all to find the perfect talent for the program. “I’d say I spend an average of 5 hours a day Chatrouletting,” said the head coach “You really have to be committed to the process. There are just so many cocks, whoops, I mean potential players to sift through before you find the perfect one.”
When Marrone first caught a glimpse of Harrison, he knew he had found just that perfect one. “I was completely in awe, I mean, he really had a cannon! It was a thing of beauty. His throwing arm that is.”
After a 45-minute video chat, Marrone had convinced the young QB to roll the dice and take a chance on Syracuse. Coach Marrone would not release the details of the conversation, but simply said “Jimmie Harrison is going to be a great fit at Syracuse,” adding that despite Harrison’s youth, “I expect him to have a very large presence in the locker room. Huge even.”
If Harrison is all that he’s being made out to be, brighter days are in the future for SU Football. Junior psychology major and football superfan Laura Pelmer expressed her excitement about the signing, saying “I really love the football players here already. I’ve spent time with quite a few of them. Any guy with an above average”¦package of skills, I’m totally on board. And I’ve heard Jimmie’s package is pretty damn big.”
If Harrison and his considerable “talents” can resurrect the program, while bringing excitement back to female fans across campus, we can all can thank Doug Marrone and his tireless commitment to Chatrouletting the Orange back to prominence.
Well done, Coach.
