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DPS Discovers Black Market for Newhouse Editing Software
Department of Safety officers at Syracuse University discovered an underground black market for the distribution of popular computer software ““ used primarily in Newhouse ““ after checking on a South Campus apartment Monday afternoon. Two DPS officers conducting a routine apartment check on Small Road were surprised to find over a dozen students sitting... MORE »
New safety mascot Kurt SC maimed in terrible biking accident
“That was fast,” recent safety mascot hire Kurt SC mumbles from his hospital bed. He picks forlornly at the sheets. “My campaign had been going for, what, two weeks?” Kurt woke up from a five day coma this afternoon, and he says his short run as campus preventative safety darling is over. He briefly considered... MORE »
A Letter from DPS on Halloween Safety
Happy Halloween everybody! Now nobody do anything that could ever be construed as a belief or opinion! (Photo by Brian W) MORE »
DPS Captain Breaks Down Over Breaking Up USC Parties
USC’s Department of Public Safety shocked students yesterday with a heartfelt confession of the truth behind their long held practice of breaking up good times of all kinds. “There’s always a problem when there’s a private party in a private residence,” Captain David Carlisle told student leaders and press. “DPS never gets invited.” Carlisle led... MORE »
Scooters take over USC one Razor at a time: but at what price?
The current traffic on Trousdale Parkway proves that USC students are quickly discovering the benefits of riding a kick scooter to class. But even with these foldable beauties popping up just about everywhere, scooter-riders are still discriminated against on on campus. Serious scooter riders want students to know that they deserve just as much respect... MORE »
Sidewalk-bikers to USC: “the street is lava!!”
Daily life holds scores of minor frustrations that you, as a mature college-pseudo-adult, handle with patience and grace. If you’re me, all of those minor frustrations are people who ride bicycles through sidewalks. Also, patience is as likely as those bikers are to make it to class without hitting a pedestrian (UNlikely! Ha!). This... MORE »
Oh No Otto Gets Mugged Video
DPS really does make the corniest videos ever.. MORE »
SU NEWS ALERT: Don’t Wear Wet Socks Or You’ll Get Frostbite
Due to how freaking ridiculously cold it is right now, the Syracuse University Health Center issued a special email alert informing the student body of the dangers of frostbite, hypothermia, and other cold weather injuries. Some of the brilliantly handy tips they offer on how to stay warm in sub-freezing temperatures include putting on a... MORE »
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