You probably don’t care,
but a twenty-something male was shot near the corner of 29th Street
and Hoover early Saturday morning in a drive-by shooting.  Before you emote a natural response out of empathy or concern for your
own safety, you should know that this person had absolutely nothing to do with
USC except that he attended a party near student housing and was merely close
to campus.  In care-ability rankings, this non-USC person stands somewhere between a homeless guy and a UCLA student.  Thank God ““ crisis averted. 

If that isn’t enough
information to cause you to ignore this story and read something else, you
should know that according to DPS it seems that “someone was specifically
targeted,” and “it didn’t appear that anyone from USC would have been an
intended target.”  For those unfamiliar
with cop lingo, this means the crime was gang related and you shouldn’t care.

Furthermore, since it
really had nothing to do with USC, no Trojan Alert was dispatched because, “…it
was not considered an ongoing threat.”  What
was the chance that people with guns would take a shot at someone else?  And even if they did, it’s not like there’d
be collateral damage ““ the drive-by was targeting a specific individual (as
evident by the person’s lack of student ID and/or tattoos) and a spray of
gunfire is usually pretty accurate. 

In short, don’t
fret.  USC students don’t have to worry
about being in the wrong place at the wrong time ““ only about the wrong person
being near the right place at the right time.  And even if the wrong person seeps in, their presence will be so
inconsequential that you’ll forget they were even here”¦ or that they got