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Syracuse Articles

North Campus Cougar Sighting

Article by NoahBakst March 27, 2012

I can’t believe the University emailed this. Whether it’s the modern day Mrs. Robinson or Marion Wormer it matters not, if you’re a dude pulling an all nighter at the dude, be careful.     MORE »

Article by NoahBakst
March 22, 2012

East Quad Rennovation Busts Open

Actual U of M Warning Cold weather is a terrifying time for pipes with regards to water, but warm weather brings a whole other realm of ramifications. Seamen. Wait that’s not it, excuse me, it’s semen. See, man; it’s simple. It’s simple, and a little bit dirty. Living in the dorms is a time of... MORE »

Article by NoahBakst
March 19, 2012

Cure Your St. Patty’s Day Hangover

St. Patty’s day comes and goes. The anticipation is tremendous; the results the next day, even more terrifying. With it striking on a Saturday, good god, buckle up, it’s time to get rowdy. Still, there’s always the next morning. Through sheer force of will, and many days of practice, I’ve compiled the five best thought... MORE »

Article by NoahBakst
March 17, 2012

The Squirrelly Kings of Campus Basement

The King of the University of Michigan campus basement this month, has to be, could be nothing other than, must be declared: the squirrel society of the Ann Arbor area. With this wimpy wisp of a winter nobody has benefited more than the squirrels. After spending months of preparation: finding nuts, hiding nuts, defending nuts,... MORE »

Article by hartadam
February 27, 2012

Girl Sets Record with 52 ‘likes’ in One Discussion Section

For some it’s a placeholder, a space filler. For others, it’s an entity so coveted, so beloved, that addiction is more probable than possible. No””not cocaine but the word “like.’ Many consider it Carrot Top-annoying””like listening to Rick Santorum reason that contraception leads to children being born out of wedlock. But recently, a cult-like following... MORE »

Article by NoahBakst
February 20, 2012

Date Party Gets UGLI

Michelangelo had David, Joe Louis had Joe Louis arena, Dave Brandon had the night game, Mary Sue Coleman: has Slutty with a Study Buddy, at the UGLI. This past Saturday, Sorority Iota Delta Epsilon (IDE) held their winter semester formal at the highly relevant Shapiro Undergraduate Library. Sororities have been competing all year long for optimal positioning... MORE »

Article by NoahBakst
February 13, 2012

Stop-and-Chat

Walking to class is treacherous. You’re passing through the diag, avoiding the M at all costs of course, and your path is blocked. An old acquaintance, friend, lover, professor, squirrel, group handing out flyers protesting the use of flyers, whatever, it matters not because you have been stopped. The worst part is that you’re not... MORE »

Article by hartadam
February 9, 2012

Freshman Steps on ‘M,’ Disintegrates

Unless you are an idiot, foreign, or go to Ohio, or some combination of the three, you know that stepping on the “M’ before your first bluebook results in failing said test at UofM. The brass, block-letter “M’, donated by the class of ’53, has scared off more kids than (insert pedophile). Activists have set... MORE »

Article by hartadam
February 7, 2012

Mary Sue Coleman Spotted Raging at SAE, Rick’s

Like a solar eclipse, it’s not every day that you see University of Michigan President Mary Sue Coleman drop the whole goody-goody act for some quality partying. In an attempt to better “relate” to the student body, Coleman chose to begin Friday night’s festivities at the tier-1 frat, Sigma Alpha Epsilon. The Bros, of course,... MORE »

Article by NoahBakst
February 6, 2012

Tom Brady vs. Denard Robinson, the Next Michigan Man

Ok, so Tom Brady didn’t win the Superbowl”¦again. He still makes the rest of us guys look like prepubescent seventh graders just popping our first pimples. He’s TOM BRADY. Just look at that smile and remember; he went to school here. He may not have started, or even played many games, but he is the... MORE »