St. Patty’s day comes and goes. The anticipation is tremendous; the results the next day, even more terrifying. With it striking on a Saturday, good god, buckle up, it’s time to get rowdy. Still, there’s always the next morning.
Through sheer force of will, and many days of practice, I’ve compiled the five best thought processes to go through on March 18th, the day after tomorrow, the day after St. Patty’s day.
(Use this list for good, and never for evil.)
Here’s what to tell yourself when you wake up Sunday, be strong soldier.
1. Go Back to Sleep: It’s before noon? You’re awake? How are you awake? You don’t feel awake? Fuck… This is probably a dream. Yeah, it’s got to be a dream. It’s a dream. Remember? You went to sleep, right? … No. Oh… Well… then now’s your chance. Sweet dreams, champ.
2. Breakfast: Oooooh, Weeeee!!! Cereal, oatmeal, bacon, eggs (scrambled, sunny side up, omelet), hash browns, bagels smeared with cream cheese, pancakes, waffles, French toast, muffins, biscuits, mmMMMHHM cinnamon rolls, fruits from various climates, coffee, OJ, apple juice, milk, LEFTOVERS, I want, no, I need you. NOW. I just don’t want to get up and make you. What to do? What to do? Well, shit, Denny’s is open.
3. Shower: Whether cold or hot, it matters not; a shower is a good idea. Dude you stink. You look like shit. Get up, and go shower. It’ll feel good. Ok, It’ll feel good after the initial freezing shock that you’re showering, but it will feel good. Yesterday was ridiculous; you rode a mechanical bull and fell into a pool filled with almost everything you don’t want to be swimming with, and lucky charms. It ain’t business time, it’s shower time.
4. Stay in Bed, and Watch TV: Let’s face it, moving’s for dummies, and getting out of bed is never a good idea. Just lay here, reach for remote, reach for the remote, dude reach dammit, and just reach a little farther now, almost there, got it! Ok, TV, you and me are going to be hanging out for a little while, do that voodoo that you dodo.
5. Start Drinking: You’re still a little drunk anyway. This might be a little brutal at first, but after the initial hoopla, it could be worth it? It can’t be called a hangover if you’re still drunk. St. Patrick would want you to drink. It was just his day dammit; we all have to do whatever he wants.
Good luck my friends. Stay safe this weekend, and remember these words of wisdom Sunday morning.
